It's over. 10 years of friendship is over.

"She says I'm okay; I'm alright, Though you have gone from my life You said that it would, Now everything should be all right"

It's over.  Here's how it all went down over several hours via text message.  

G: First I wish to say I wasn't ignoring you last night, I had the phone on silent so as not to interrupt the Shakespeare experience for those around us This might be a subtle jab at my friends' kids, not sure.  There is already so much passive aggressive behavior that I can't tell anymore.  and thus didn't see you called for a bit. Second it may be pure semantics but I said "I was mislead, lied to, and disrespected tonight and I don't feel comfortable doing it right now." It being pet sitting, I did not call you or Hulk a liar directly. But I am not stupid, I know what is going on. True story, he only knows because someone told him and I told that person not to lie.  And I also know neither you nor he looked me in the eye let alone talked to me, which seems to me you both feel like there is wrong doing too. You want to talk, fine, but you can't dictate what I can and can't say to your husband either. I told him I wouldn't pet sit too and he asked why, I told him without saying specifically why (Hulk). If you want the talk in person tell me when you're available and if over the phone text and I shall call if I can. I am trying to enjoy today with my gf and her mom because it is her mom's birthday so may not be 100% free. 2:09 PM This is consistent with the same pattern that he's been playing with me over this.  He feigns a willingness to talk about it, but then claims unavailability.

Me: I truly want you to explain to me how what we are doing is wrong. And I can certainly have a problem with you saying hurtful and untrue things about me behind my back. I know what the whole message was. You are free to say whatever you want to whoever you want, but I think it's inappropriate to do that to a friend.  If I didn't talk to you, it was because I was concerned about your mood, you sat separately, asked for another blanket instead of joining the existing sea of blankets. What we are doing is not wrong, but I knew it would upset you on some level. There is a difference. 2:26 PM

G: Actually we stood awkwardly as besides J and later K, we weren't aknowledged as being there. Wasn't told "this is the area to sit in" or told you know, hi. We didn't ask for a blanket, J gave us one as we stood there confused. Suddenly blankets are confusing?  This is crap.  The blanket was on the ground.  He didn't need direction as to where to sit.  He also could have asked. We sat there in silence because no one talked to us. I know I offered them both pretzels and that his gf was talking with my bff. We may as well have been strangers.  I'm tired of being ignored and treated like a stranger by you people. You people!? And now Hulk is doing it too. So yay another friend completely lost. What happens when you two break up? What then?  Unless he has decided he doesn't want to get married and be with one person forever, you two won't last forever since you know you're already married.  I didn't say what you were doing is wrong I said you guys must feel that way as you hid it and refused to look or aknowledge me. 2:33 PM Or maybe we just didn't know how to do this without pissing you off.  Obviously, we've failed at this.

Me: I recall waving and saying hi. I didn't realize I would have to welcome you to the blanket I said I'd bring for you. I'm sorry you felt like a stranger.  I probably did feel a little awkward in regards to the situation, knowing you'd be upset, but I still don't understand why, just a sense because I know you generally disapprove of us being poly.  What happens when we break up is between the two of us, but since you asked I'll tell you that it's been discussed. He plans on continuing to date and I acknowledge that looking for someone who would be ok with the situation would severely limit his dating pool. Therefore, once he finds someone he wishes to be exclusive with, he is free to end things with me. It's an acknowledged temporary relationship. Also- I remind you- I hid it only based on your insistence that I not discuss who I dating. That decision was not to spite you, it was out of respect for you.  And don't write Hulk off as a friend. That's not fair to him. What we are doing is not wrong. 4:34 PM

G: You know what? You're right, you're not doing wrong, everyone involved is happy and knows what is going on. I am the only one who has a problem with it, so I am just completely removing myself from this. I overreacted last night and was just mad and felt hurt. I hate that at this point there are way to many people involved and are in the middle of it. And over what? Me having a problem, so I am just stepping away from it all. It is the most logical step, everyone else is happy and fine with it except me. I'm sorry I am not okay with it but this way we can all be happy and healthy without worrying about what the other thinks. I don't hate anyone involved, I'm not mad, or talking anything negative about anyone. I love you all but just not comfortable with any of it. So I am done, I hope the best for you all. 4:57 PM Passive aggressive and not at all genuine, but what he's saying here is the truth.  Everyone else involved is fine, he's just hoping it will all blow up and someday we'll tell him he was right.

Me: I feel like you haven't given it a chance to become comfortable with it. I promise it's different from other open relationships that you've seen. I have made the effort with all of my friends to give them the chance to ask questions and be sure they have a good understanding of what it is and what it is not. You haven't allowed me to extend the same courtesy to you.  There are books, podcasts, all sorts of resources out there for people who do this successfully.  Are you saying you just can't be my friend anymore because of this? You have no problem being friends with my husband though, or you didn't anyway. Why is it ok for him and not for me? It was ok for J too, when he was a third, but no okay for me. Why? 5:08 PM

G: I'm saying all of you. All three of you involved. It just makes me feel awkward. No exceptions nothing else. It has cause me too much heartache and misery. I don't need that. 7:13 PM Heartache and misery!?  That doesn't even make sense.  How is what we are doing in our personal life causing him heartache and misery! 

Me: I hope you feel differently one day. 7:58 PM   I had no idea what else to say.  Fuck it, Dude.  Let's go bowling.