I Promise I'm Not Trying to Ruin Your Life With Sex

My monogamous boy, Hulk, and I have been talking.  We're getting together again on Monday.  Unfortunately, nothing this week worked as my nights off correlated with him having his daughter.  Therefore, I will see him on Monday.  Since I'm hoping that I'll get laid on Monday, I inquired, via text, as to his comfort level at my lack of birth control.  It's not great.

He has no faith in condoms.  I can understand that to an extent, he has a kid.  He's experienced the failure of birth control.  I have not.

This is what he texted me:

Me: I'm curious, how's your comfort level with my lack of birth control?

 I would want to use some secondary means like spermacidal lubricant or something along with a condom.  It's likely to be extremely irritating to me. I seem to have the most sensitive v-jay-jay ever. Have you looked up EC?  Also-fun fact, plain ol' lube is damaging to sperm. If you are trying to conceive, you are supposed to use a special lube that won't hurt them.   I can try a spermicidal, but not nonoxynol 9, cause I know that stuff hurts.  

 

Hulk: Ya, but isn't EC expensive, and something you wouldn't use every time? I don't trust condoms by themselves, they aren't a reliable form of birth control, even if they don't break. They are considered a high risk birth control, and studies show fail roughly 15% of the time.  Condoms have to be used in conjunction with other methods if u truly want to be safe imo. EC is really effective if taken right away. I would only take it if breakage occurred. That 15% includes people who aren't using them correctly.  

 

Me: Other problem with spermicide is it increases the risk of disease transmission, making the whole multiple partners thing more risky.

Hulk: No, that's typical use, but even perfect use is 3% which is actually not too good either, but who's to say wed be on one end or the other. 

Me: We'll figure this out. :)  I also have a pretty good idea of when I ovulate, since we've been trying to conceive. I'm pretty confident in condoms, really. And I'm quite comfortable with their use.  

 

Hulk: I dunno, they just make me nervous. I feel like my entire future is on the line. Id have such a hard time dating after that, id probably end up never getting married and having a family. All I ever wanted was to just find love, and i fear ill end up being lonely and single forever. 3% means like after having sex 33 times, one might be a failure, to me that sounds like taking huge chances, if I can't learn from my lessons, then what good is that. Anyways, ima get to bed early. I'm beat, long day. Night. 

At this point, it looks like Monday will be a face to face conversation educating him that condoms are an effective method of birth control, especially when EC is used as a back up.  So, here is
my practice argument.  I don't know where he is getting this 3% failure rate from, but all my sources, including Planned Parenthood, say condoms are 98% effective when used correctly.  I am confident in
my skills at using them correctly.  I can make him confident too.

Now, that 98% effective rate does not mean that out of 100 sex acts, 2 will result in a pregnancy.  That is not how it works.  It means that out of 100 women who use condoms as a sole form of birth control, 2 will become pregnant in the first year.  That is not including EC as a
back-up method.  It also doesn't take into consideration that I have been having unprotected sex for a year and have not gotten pregnant.  I don't even think I ovulate every cycle.  I can tell when I do, I
think, and it doesn't happen every month.

He wants to use a spermicide as a back up.  I wouldn't have a problem with this except that spermicide is extremely irratitating to tissues and I have a very sensitive vag that gets upset at the tiniest infraction.  I've had PID.  I have frequent yeast infections starting from when I was a kid.  I get UTI's easily.  I do not need to be doing anything that will kill off my normal flora and give me the yeastie beasties.  In addition, spermicide is no longer recommended on a broad basis.  It is only recommended for people who are monogamous as it increases the chances of disease transmission.  And not just when it's being used, that tissue irritation won't go away right away, putting
me at risk with my other partners as well or even at greater risk of catching something from my husband if he gets something from a partner. The scariest thing is that it actually increases the risk of
HIV transmission.  Nope.  Nada.  F that noise.  I will not be putting toxic chemicals all up in my vag.

So it seems to me that we have to agree on a second back up method.  Unfortunately the choices are slim when you elimiate spemicides and things you need a doctor for.  The sponge sounds great, but it works because it contains spermicide, so that's out.  There's the Natural Family Planning method, which works pretty good and like I said, I'm pretty sure I know when I ovulate.  And there's EC.  And that's about it aside from caps and diaphrams and those require a doctor to get fitted and spermicide to be reliable.  I refuse to go back on hormonal birth control for many many reasons.

I think the other part of the conversation that will be important is reassuring him that if I get pregnant, he would only have to be involved if he wanted to be.  Otherwise, we would treat him like a
sperm donor.  No child support.  No court crap-o-la.  No awkward explainations to his family on how he got a married woman pregnant. Hubby and I discussed this, we've discussed adopting, so it's not that different.  Maybe hearing all of that will help him out too.

The thing is we're having a risk vs benefit discussion.  No birth control method is a guarantee against pregnancy.  If the very slight risk of pregnancy with me is not worth the benefit of fucking me, then
we might just have to walk away from this one, or stick to things that don't involve sperm going anywhere near my vag.

We'll just see how this works out.  I'm pretty confident that we can work it out in person.  Texting is not an efficient way to discuss such things. We're both adults, we can do this.

It's just so crazy to me, in order for me to get pregnant, in theory...  we need a remarkable chain of events.

1) I have to ovulate.
2) We have to be having sex right before or while I ovulate.
3) The condom has to break
4) The EC that I will take right away has to not work.
5) The egg has to implant.
6) The fetus has to be healthy, I'm more likely to have a miscarriage
due to a genetic abnormality.

That is a remarkable chain of events right there and it's unlikely to happen with no protection.  With a condom, it makes me chances of getting knocked up by him slim to none.  I'm not worried.  I don't
want to have his baby either, but I can see that it is not likely to occur.  I'll be working on this Monday and I'll let you know how it goes.