Saturday, April 20, 2013

Impressions of a Clothing Optional Party

I had hoped to go to a clothing optional party while I was pregnant.  I have not been to an event like this before, but I liked the idea of walking around naked with my pregnant body.  Honestly, I feel like I look better naked than with clothes on at this point.  Clothes inevitably make me look bigger than I am. They hang off my bump and make every dress or loose top look like a moo-moo.  At least when I'm naked, what you see is what you get.  I don't hate my body, I'm just kinda sick of the physical limitations that pregnancy has bestowed on me.  As we speak I am hoping to induce labor before the weekend.  I want my body back.  So, my chance to go to an event like this as a massively pregnant person was a once in a lifetime opportunity.  It happened that I made it to the night of the party without going into labor.  It also happened that I was feeling pretty good.  The husband had a date in Big City planned for the same night, so I didn't have to worry about driving home in the early stages of labor should that start.  I could just call him to pick me up.  My boyfriend had secured my invite.  I had no excuses.  Anxieties be damned.  It had to happen.  

Knowing that my name was on a list and having attended some kink events, I was expecting a certain level of scrutiny upon arriving.  I was quite surprised when I knocked and someone called out, "Come on in"  A towel blocked the window of the door, but I could see enough flesh around it that I knew I was in the right place.  I walked in and joined a roomful of mostly nude people milling about and talking.  Other than the lack of clothing, it was a typical party atmosphere with chatter a murmuring throughout the room.  No one stopped me and asked for my name.  No one questioned my reason for being there.  The first person to talk to me was someone I recognized from some poly meetings.  Unfortunately, when you are about as pregnant as one can be and you arrive at a clothing optional party the very first question you have is "Where is the bathroom?"  Once that was settled, I met the organizer of the party and figured out my next move...  exactly how does one get naked at a clothing optional party?  The party organizer confirmed that I was Brazen Bunny and that I had received the e-mail with the rules.  Although I had received the email, I had a moment of brief mental panic.  "Maybe I missed something...  there weren't nearly enough rules, were there?  Surely..."  Then I reminded myself that I have common sense and I did get the email.  After asking, I was directed to a room upstairs where I might put my stuff and shed my clothing.  

Again, having attended a few large kink events where I found myself under intense scrutiny, I was surprised at the welcoming and laid back nature of this event.  The rules were basically thus: 
1) Be sanitary.  Carry a towel like a good hitchhiker and place it between your naked bits and the furniture should you chance to come in contact with it.  
2) Respect your fellow person.  Don't be a dick.  Don't do anything to make anyone feel uncomfortable.  
You know what?  It worked.  Those simple rules were followed.  No one even touched my belly without asking.  It was a shockingly comfortable environment.  I emerged from an upstairs bedroom in only my purple cotton panties.  I joined the people that I knew and indulged in some food.  A typical party atmosphere with nudity commenced.  I met some new people, re-familiarized myself with some people I had met in the past and spent some time with my boyfriend and our line of poly relationships.  I ate some delicious candied bacon and a chocolate cupcake.  I stood in a group talking until I could stand no longer and we retired to the "cuddle pit" which was kind of the best place for a pregnant lady to be.  Here we relaxed as a group and cuddled and talked.  Turns out it's really easy to tell when a clothing optional party is winding down...  you see less and less naked people.

Impressions?  Well...  bodies are nice to look at and although I appreciated seeing some very attractive people, it definitely wasn't the focus of my attention.  Being in a room with so many body types, I found myself focusing on only the good features of everyone.  This is the opposite of what people often do when looking at pictures of attractive people.  They tend to downplay good features and point out what is fake versus real.  In a room full of real life naked people, you just sort of take it all in and bask in the available nice features to observe.  At least that's how my brain responded, but I get the feeling that most people there operated like that.  No one was there to make anyone else feel bad.  But overall, it was about a feeling of freedom and a general social environment.  One side effect of having no clothes on is that there were no distractions from the social event at hand.  You had food and your fellow party goers to talk to.  No one was checking their phone.  Eye contact?  When you are worried about your eyes resting too long on a bare breast or a nice looking butt, it becomes easy to look someone in the face while you are talking to them.  Social interactions change in a positive way when everyone is nude.  At least that's what I can tell from my first experience with such things.  I expect I'll gain more experience in the future.  I can proudly say that I have attended my first clothing-optional event as pregnant as one can be.  I had fun and walked away feeling good.  I can not say that attending threw me into labor.  This is too bad.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

An Unexpected Third

It may have been somewhat absurdly timed, as things often are in my world, but the husband and I had an experience last night.  Well, two experiences, really.  I suppose it would be best for me to write about them separately, even though they were really one.  We had sex with a third party.  I had sex with a female-bodied person.  This happened while I am 38 weeks pregnant!  What the hell, Life?  You are one tricky MF.  Way to keep me on my toes!  Perhaps the hormones of impending motherhood are making me extra mushy, but this was a profound experience for me in several ways and I don't know that I have completely processed it yet.  I'm not going to write out a play by play.  Trust me, it was hot, but I want to write about the feels. 

First, there is the experience we had as a couple.  I've blogged before about the challenges we've encountered with opening our marriage and the added stress of the pregnancy.  Last night felt like the bookend to the beginning stages.  I feel like we've achieved a comfort level together that was difficult to imagine not that long ago.  The experience closed the first chapter on our poly life.  We have graduated.     I faced one of my fears in watching him with someone else.  Coming from someone who once demanded a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy with my husband's porn viewing, this is a Big Deal.  (This is not something I'm proud of, but it's true, blaming my Catholic upbringing goes a long way for crap like this.)  It's a good example of how much I've managed to grow as a person in the last year.  My confidence and security has increased exponentially.  I watched him flirt and wrestle and eventually kiss another person and I never felt the slightest twinge of jealousy or anything icky.  I was turned on!  Compersion, I has it.  My emotional homework was done and I was prepared for the test.  I didn't have to think.  The answers were there.  I was proud of the way we communicated in the beginning and throughout the experience.  It demonstrated our comfort level and the skills that we've learned.  I can't say that I didn't have any insecurities.  Having a new sex partner at this late stage of pregnancy did arouse some misgivings about my physical state, but I was reassured in a way that made me comfortable again.  The whole thing felt natural and organic and comfortable and just nice...  I did not expect it to be like that.  I expected a certain amount of discomfort for my first experience.  I was prepared to tread very carefully and take things slowly so that I could handle the negative emotions that were bound to come up.  The negativity never happened.  In the possibility of outcomes that I considered, one where everything went perfectly had never seemed a possibility.  I just wanted to fuck up as little as possible.  This is why I feel like we've graduated.  We aren't noobs anymore.  We can get things right the first time and walk away from a new and potentially delicate experience feeling good.  

The second part of this is my first experience with a female bodied person.  I first recognized my attraction to women in high school.  Aside from a few experiences during truth or dare games while drinking underage, I had not had the opportunity to explore this side of my sexuality outside of my head.  I had gone from one monogamous relationship with a man to another and at some point I started assuming that I wasn't bisexual at all.  I wrote it off as teenage hormones being out of control.  Why not?  I was perfectly satisfied with my male partners.  Opening had the side effect of reminding me of my attraction to women and gave me the opportunity to explore this again.  There were a few awkward and uncomfortable dates at the beginning of my OkC exploration, but again life got in the way and I decided not to pursue the experience at this time.  Then there was pregnancy and I put all new dating on hold.  Again, I was looking at an unspecified date sometime far in the future to fulfill my desire for exploration with a female.  I had accepted this.  

Thanks to last night, I can now go into motherhood having experienced and fully embraced my bisexuality.  I did not feel forced.  I didn't feel like I was just performing for my husband.  I was 100% in my body and in the moment.  I wanted it.  I enjoyed it.  I want it again.  Any self doubts I had about misinterpreting my attractions have evaporated.  I can completely claim bisexuality as a part of my identity, just as I can claim poly.  I don't have to wait and wonder about this any longer.    

I can't complete this post without expressing my gratitude to the person who gave us this gift.  I hope that she will spend more time with us in the future.  She is kind and comfortable and sweet.  She is beautiful and warm.  She gave us a special experience and I will be forever grateful.