I came out to a coworker the other night even though I was hesitant to do so. She is a monogamous, married, good Christian girl who may be just a little bit repressed. I chose to do this for her sake, not for mine. I took the risk of rejection and weirdness. Thankfully, I already have a large network of kind and accepting people who know who will be on the lookout for me for any backlash that might occur from this in the workplace. I don't expect it, but I'm prepared to own it.
The reason I felt it was important that this coworker know about poly is that she has been the center of gossip at work for the last year or so regarding a male coworker. This male coworker has since transferred to another unit, but everyone has suspicions that they are still hanging out together. The chemistry between them was obvious to anyone who watched them interact. Personally, I have a huge problem with they guy, but she seems to connect with him. The risk of having an affair is high, if it's not already going on. I wanted her to know that she had an option that wasn't cheating. I wanted her to see an example of somebody she knows succeeding in the early stages of an open relationship. She asked me a lot of questions. I answered them honestly.
Her statements varied from interested consideration to distancing. "I've always had a fear that I'd only ever sleep with one guy..." and "I guess if it works for you guys and no one is getting hurt..." Whatever she decides is of no consequence to me. Poly is a lot of work. Cheating is easier. I couldn't do it, but I guess I understand why someone would. I just felt it was important to share what I've learned over the last few months so that she would know that there is another option. She could have what she wanted and still be with and not hurt her husband. I thought that sharing my experience would be the best way for her to learn about it. Just like fighting homophobia by making sure that everyone has a gay friend/coworker/family member/some one they know and respect. Knowing someone who is poly makes it all the more real and easy to understand. One of the turning points for me was meeting a large local group of poly people and realizing that they were down to Earth, intelligent, educated and not crazy. I hoped that maybe I could do the same on a smaller scale.
I hope she goes the route of honesty, but I also hope she gets the life experience she's looking for. We only get one shot at this whole life thing, unless you believe in reincarnation, but I'm not living mine like I get a second chance.
I think this was very kindly done. You're right to not worry about what she does. You can't say what's right for her and there is so much defensiveness about poly for people first learning about it, that I suspect that she won't think it applies to her. But you've done your bit to educate someone that the dominant cultural paradigm may be dominant, but it isn't the ONLY way things are done. Good on you.
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