How Poly is Making Me a Better Person

I'm publishing this short analysis on the ways poly is making me a better person overall.  It's enriching my life in several ways and also affecting me to force positive change.  We're still only six months into this lifestyle, but we've learned a lot and intend to continue on indefinitely.  Here are some of the things poly has done for me lately.


I'm meeting new people and expanding my social circle.  
This is introducing me to new activities as well as new people.  I've been to burlesque shows, new restaurants, the houses of new friends... Since the main point of this is to expand my life experience, this fringe benefit is really valuable.  I'm not just expanding my sexual persona, I'm also expanding my friendships and connections.


Coming out creates a deeper connection with the friends and acquaintances I have. 
Something about taking the risk to tell someone something so personal and outrageous brings them closer to you and leads to them being more open with you.  I love intense conversation and deep personal connection and being poly is creating more of these situations in my life.


I have to work on negative emotions and develop new coping strategies to face the new challenges. 
Doing the sort of personal growth exercises necessary to make poly work is bound to make me a better person.  Facing head on and overcoming insecurity and jealousy, improving communication and intimacy, resolving conflict with friends and lovers...  these are challenges that force you to do emotional work and improve yourself.  You can't learn this stuff without living it.  Each negative emotion that I struggle with is molding me into a stronger person better able to cope with it the next time. 



I am naturally even more accepting of unconventional behavior. 
Being part of a fringe group means that I am experiencing what it feels like to be even weirder.  I've always been weird, but in a nerdy way, not in a sexual way.  Being weird in a sexual way is quite different in the eyes of society, just ask any gay person.  Since I've decided that staying completely closeted is not going to work for me, I've been coming out to select people in a one to one setting.  I choose to tell people who I see as non-judgemental and understanding.  Most importantly, I tell people who already know me as me and are thus more likely to accept me.  Being in this position, where I am now more than ever, likely to be judged by society for my behavior and beliefs, has made me more empathetic towards other fringe groups.  I was always accepting, but now I feel a kinship with anyone who is misunderstood.  I've been more outspoken about calling people on their judgmental actions and behavior, especially at work, where our patients are the last people we should be judging.


I appreciate all the love I have in my life and each love can be whatever it will be. 
There is no pressure on any relationship to fit a mold.  Every connection I have has the ability to grow into whatever it is capable of.  My friendships with men are no longer inhibited by the social idea that they can't get close to me because of my marriage.  Now, I can have male friends and if they become male more-than-friends that is okay.  The relationship can be whatever it is.  Friends have the capability of becoming lovers.  My support network is growing all the time.  I get to see the encouragement from people in my life that will support me even if they don't completely understand it. 


It's improving my marriage.  Really!
Every little bit of drama that Hubby and I have worked through to make poly work for us is also improving our bond.  It started with more open communication and confessions about sex that we'd kept from each other for fear of reprisal.  It grew into allow each other the freedom we want for ourselves.  We've each had to manage jealousy and together work through some uncomfortable situations.  We've had some intense decisions to make and we've overcome some really ugly stuff fairly easily.  What's really amazing about these challenges is that once we've discussed them and worked them out, they go away.  We don't bring up past poly arguments out of spite.  If they are brought up it highlights what we've learned as it relates to the present situation.  (Unlike our arguments about things like the kitchen cabinet that is yet to be installed 4 years after the initial kitchen remodel.)