To Be 91 and Have Regrets: Why We're Considering Polyamory

In my line of work, I meet a lot of people who have been married for decades. I make a habit of asking them "What's the secret to a happy marriage?" I get a lot of different responses.  One 91 year old man replied, "Being faithful." and went on to describe the opportunities he had to cheat on his wife with other women. By the wistful look on his face, I can only assume they were very attractive and desirable women.  He described how he had turned down these women even though his wife would have likely never found out.  He worked in the city and could have easily slept with them in the city before traveling home.  I asked him if he regretted not taking advantage of those opportunities. Without hesitation, he stated, "Oh, yes." 

I love my husband. I don't want him to be 91 years old and regret not lying to me in order to have experienced life a little fuller.  I also don't want to be 91 and regret not having explored my sexuality to its fullest.  We had both discussed the fact that our limited sexual experiences before becoming a couple had left us wishing we'd been more free with our sexuality. 

Therefore, I began to entertain the idea of polyamory or being monogamish.  It would take some time before I brought it up and began the dialogs, but we've been discussing things for several weeks and we're both excited about the possibilities.

Allowing ourselves to be polyamorous has many benefits beyond sexual satisfaction.  It opens up ways of relating to people that were no longer possible in a monogamous relationship.  In order to maintain monogamy, you have to close yourself off from people in many ways.  For me, I felt it necessary to keep myself distant to remain loyal and to prevent myself from getting in a situation where it would be hard to say no to cheating.  When I did develop a sort of crush on another man, I felt extremely guilty about it and confessed my feelings to my husband.  Allowing these sort of relationships to develop naturally is exciting.  It's almost like re-entering the world emotionally.  I'm doing it honestly and giving him the same gift.

One simple side effect is that it makes looking at attractive people much more fun.  The first time I saw my little crush after we began these talks, the thought that it was 1) okay to think about boning him 2) somewhat possible we could bone made the looking much more fun.

It's also opened up lines of communication that has improved our sex life and improved my husband's libido.  When we are able to admit that we want to fuck other people, we can be honest about so many other things.  We've both shared kinks and fantasies that we've never spoken of with each other before.

My husband loves me more than ever, not less.  He said so, hesitantly.  He didn't want it to sound like he was unhappy before, but by allowing for this possibility to live life more fully has made him much happier.  "I almost want to follow you around like a little puppy dog" he said.  The thought of this expansive freedom has made him more excited about trying to have a baby.  Ladies...  if you are having a hard time convincing your man that it's time to start a family, try telling him he can fuck other people and see what happens.  It's like magic.  This was a very unexpected and pleasant side effect.

The benefits are many and I'm sure we'll see more.  Stay tuned for future posts about how we are preparing our relationship for outside love, the challenges we expect and how we plan to meet it.  It is an exciting and highly sexual time in our lives.