Jealousy vs Compersion

Someone once taught me a way to combat anxiety.  Since it is impossible to be anxious and relaxed at the same time, you can use relaxation techniques to gain control over your anxiety.  They are mutually exclusive.  When I learned the awesome new vocabulary word, compersion, I assumed that it worked against jealousy like relaxation works against anxiety.  I am finding this not to be true. 

I just kissed my husband goodbye and gave him mints from my purse so he could go on his first date with a woman outside of our marriage.  He's really excited about this and it's made him very happy.  It's much better than him thinking he'd get no dates.  To boot, she seems really cool.  She responds well to his sense of humor and she's cute.  He thinks we'd get along.  Despite all of this and although I more compersive than anxious/jealous/nervous, the undercurrent of icky feelings is still there. 

I don't share the kink he has.  At least I don't think I'll get turned on when he describes his experiences with other women.  That seems to have made it a little easier for him.  But I am also heartened by the fact that this woman has warned him that she moves really slow when it comes to relationships.

When I get into a cold pool, sometimes I jump in quickly and sometimes I wade in slowly.  Often, I wade in slowly until it gets really hard and then I force myself to dunk the rest.  Right now, I'm wading in slowly.  My comfort level will grow with time.  I'm already feeling much better about it than I ever thought that I would.  It helps that I've had good experiences first.  This way, I can think about how happy I've been and remind myself that I want the same for him.  Eventually, I'll be able to brace myself, squeal a little and let my knees relax so I plunge under the water with no regrets.

I'm rambling.  I should also mention I'm having a small drink to help my relaxation level.  It's an Iced Hot Chocolate containing, milk, ice, dark chocolate syrup and marshmallow vodka.  It's delicious and hazardous to blogging.  I think it's best if I go reread a chapter in The Ethical Slut now. 

UPDATE: (I always hear this in my head like it was said on Unsolved Mysteries)

One of our agreements was that we would each wear our wedding rings when we went out on a date. When I went out with CJB, he made me wear the good ring, not the plain one I wear to work. I, of course, complied.

He left his ring at home and that makes me quite sad. I don't want him to know how sad until later. Because I still want him to have a good time. This isn't the first time I've had to forgive him for doing something stupid. Nothing has been a huge deal, but it does make it harder on me. I need to be able to trust him. Dammit.

I was doing so well. Now I kind of feel like shit, but I still want him to have at good time, so that's a good sign, right?

Fuck.