I Can See Your Warning Signs. You Might Consider Dimming Them

Speaking as a nurse with a limited psychiatric background, this message reeks of crazy and douchebaggery (It's a word now, The Oatmeal says so. Actually, I think that once it's been spelled out in hundreds of thousands of dollars it is officially a word. So there!)

Just take a gander at this gem and enjoy my commentary.

Hi... In trying to figure out how to talk to you. I generally edit bc I tend to go as far as I can in silliness...

I don't mind silly.  I'm wary, but open at this point.  I'm not turned off yet, he has a chance.

Anyhow if I was at target and I over heard you talking to someone similar to that which you write... And well... potentially think... Then I would think... " She's cool..."

Oh, okay, this is a creatively written message.  I can forgive the grammar and the overuse of ellipses, as I often overuse ellipses... 

I'd try to be sneaky and sneak a look... Then I would think... "my kind of hot..."

That's a compliment.  It's not terrible.  It's not great.  

I just moved to STL... There are a lot of cool things to do here... There are a lot of cool people to do here...

Here is the record scratching turning point.  Now I'm leery.  

But that's not a point as much as fun with wording. I would like to meet you for a $4 coffee or a $5 craft beer... And an opportunity to flirt... To hopefully arouse your interests...

Clever and cute wording there, but let's read on...

To well get your clothes off of you... I find that I get really confident once clothes are off...

What.

At that point i'm like "sweet now I don't have to worry about going too far... Now I can concentrate on her having the best and most orgasms ever". I'm a fan of giving.

Really?  You are going to proclaim to me in an opening message that you are going to give me the best orgasms ever?   That might work on someone who isn't having multiple fantastic orgasms all the time, but not on me.  I'm super happy that you are a fan of giving.  My husband and boyfriend are too and they've never had to proclaim this to me or anyone.  In fact, I'm going to take this as proper evidence that you are not good in bed.  Ladies and gentlemen of the blog-o-sphere did you catch the finest nugget of douchebaggery hidden inside these few sentences?  I'm using the word sentences loosely.  The finest nugget of douchebaggery is the fact that this guy thinks that once the clothes are off, he no longer has to worry about "going too far".  This sounds like date rape.  It's a bright red flag waving in the wind that says "DATE RAPIST: NAKED=CONSENT"  I'm concerned.  This makes me revisit his confidence in nakedness and question exactly what he means by confidence.  I'd delve further into it, but I don't know his real name to search for in the sex offender database.  Seriously?  This guy thinks I'm an idiot and I think he's an asshole. 

I don't keep score... But I think I have an over achiever complex with turning a lady out so to speak... I heard somewhere that it's because I used to be overweight. (they try harder). Which would explain why I never had a great BJ.

This is the part where I'm supposed to say, "I could give him a great BJ." and endeavor to prove myself right by scrambling to get to his cock as soon as possible.  Puh-lease!

I dated a lot of skinny women.

So...  am I supposed to be flattered that you are interested in my fat ass?  Fat chicks suck better cock?
Is this an approach like DK used and your secret attraction to "chubby girls" is supposed to make me feel special and let you come in my mouth?  I'm genuinely confused by this remark.  What is the purpose? 

Anyhow I'm worth a look. : ). If anything I'm really awesome at oral

Oh, you are worth a look alright.  You are worth a psychiatric evaluation and script for anti-psychotics, maybe a little therapy and behavior correction.  As for me, I'm still considering how exactly to respond to this, if I respond at all.  I don't want to be an Internet bully, beyond ripping him to shreds with his identity concealed on my anonymous blog that no one reads, but I do want to say something to him.  It's likely for the best if I don't do this.  I don't need to teach him to conceal his red flags.

This is the stuff that makes OkC so worth the experiment.  Well, and sometimes you get lucky and find NMB.  I guess I'm realizing just how rare it is to find that sparkly connection with someone you enjoy being around.  As frustrated as I am that dating seems to have stalled for me at the moment, I take solace in the fact that I have an ongoing secondary relationship that I enjoy and can count on to continue.  Not to mention Hubby, who told me several times at work last night that he would like to drag me off somewhere and do dirty things to me.  The abundance of psychos on OkC only serves to remind me to be appreciative of what I have.  I also have to remind myself that what I have is more than what most people have and I'm having it honestly and as openly as I dare.  It's making me a better person.  Which is something I will analyze in a future post.  

I Went to a Local Poly Event and This is What Happened

I went to a local poly event.  It's a group that meets monthly at a fantastic sex-positive coffee shop in Big City. Remember this guy?  He was there.  I tried to ignore it, but he was there.  He recognized me.  I recognized him.  I pretended I didn't make the connection.   He looked like he'd found the prize in the cereal box.  I tried to ignore this.  He was leering at me the whole time.  I tried not to look at his end of the table but every time I did, he was waiting to make eye contact with me.  I am not attracted to him.  I am utterly and completely creeped the fuck out.

The meeting was slightly awkward, but not terrible, except for the constant feeling of a stranger's unwelcome infatuation from across the table.  The people were nice, if a bit familiar with each other.  They tried to make me fit in by complimenting my appearance.  That Guy, as I hereby nickname him, tried to hold my gaze while he told me that I had on a very beautiful necklace.  It's a necklace that I like.  It was my grandma's (not the nice one).  It's a piece of costume jewelry and not something to be fawning over.  I thanked him.

Since I was seated in the middle of the table, I focused much of my attention at the opposite end of That Guy, so I didn't have to look at him.  This kept me from having to face the situation too much.  When the place closed and we all got up to leave.  I was formally saying goodbye to the new people I had just met, focusing on a group of folks from my Little City, and That Guy approached me.

"I just wanted to tell you how nice it was to meet you," he started as he held onto my hand longer than was necessary.

"Thanks."  I pulled my hand away from his creepy gentle grip.

"and how I'm already looking forward to the next time." He finished.  I was already looking somewhere other than his face.

"Oh. Okayyyy." I said as I awkwardly slipped away.

It's been hours and I still have the creeps.  I won't be going to another one of those meetings alone.   As NMB put it "and she never went to another meeting again."

Don't be That Guy at your local poly group or any group for that matter.  Just don't be That Guy.