Come On Ladies, Let's Demand Some Quality with our Sexual Entertainment

The other day an acquaintance posted a Facebook status gushing about Magic Mike.  She acknowledged that the story was bad, but forgave that for the opportunity to see hot men dancing around shirtless.  I replied, "If you want hot naked men doing sexy things with no plot, try porn.  You can skip all the awkward conversation and shots of cars parking."  My reply was deleted almost immediately.  Why?  Why does it cross the line in polite society to suggest that women simply watch porn to get what they want?  You might make the argument that it might be an unprofessional thing to say, but I don't think that's it.

Every night, I see coworkers and patients reading Fifty Shades of Grey without shame in the open.  It's okay to admit that reading about being tied up and taken advantage of turns you on, but it's not okay to watch it.  Why?  You can gush to your friends and blow up Facebook when a movie about male strippers debuts, but it's not okay to admit you want to watch men in a more graphic state. Why?

In this day and age when porn is so easily available on the Internet.  You don't have to go out and rent it at a store where someone might see you.  You don't have to go out and buy it where you might run into someone you know and have to pretend not to see each other.  You don't have to pay for premium cable channels and tune in late at night and hope that there's something on that appeals to your interests.  You can hop on your computer in the comfort of your own home and pull up whatever vanilla or kinky thing that turns your crank. 

Is it because women aren't allowed to admit that they masturbate?  Does it cross the line to admit that you enjoy sex?  Fifty Shades of Grey is wrapped neatly in a Twilight-inspired love story, making it okay to enjoy the sexy parts.  Magic Mike allows you to appreciate sexy men without having to admit that you want to have sex with them.  You just want to watch them dance around.  Porn crosses the line as it involves actual nudity and actual sex acts.

At least if we are going to talk about liking things that turn us on, can we please seek out something of quality?  Why do we have to wait for everyone else to like something before we can admit to liking it to?  And why when I state that I don't like Twilight or Fifty Shades or Magic Mike am I looked at like I'm a party pooper?  I'm not judging you for your sexy interests, that's for sure!  I'm judging you for your apparent inability to recognize your entertainment as vapid and poorly written, or your failure to think for yourself about what you are consuming and just agreeing with the rest of your circle that it's good. 

If we are going to agree on something as a culture, ladies, lets agree that it's okay to like what you like.  Most importantly, that it's okay to like sex and it's okay to like whatever kind of sex you like.  You don't have to like the sex that's popular.  And if you don't like sex, that's okay too, but it doesn't make those of us who do any better or worse.  Maybe that's what we are working towards and maybe I shouldn't be so critical of these popular things when they may lead to the sort of open society that I'd like to see.  I just don't understand why it's okay to like Fifty Shades, but it's not okay to like some kinky porn to help you get off when you're working alone.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have something to attend to...

Side Note:

I wanted to include in this post a short description of how I enjoyed Magic Mike.  I saw it at the drive-in from the bed of my truck.  I really didn't see much of the movie as much of the time my back was to the screen so I could straddle my boyfriend and make out with his adorable face.  He gave me notice of when I should turn around to see sexy men, which we enjoyed together.  I spent way more time making out than I did watching the movie, taking advantage of my exhibitionist streak and working up an appetite for more.  That's how I enjoyed Magic Mike and I'll dare to say I had a better experience than most patrons of the movie.  The movie, however, had little to do with that.  ;)  

How I Turned My Pregnant Outburst Into A Healthy Sexual Activity (And Made My Husband More Likely to Continue to Tolerate Me)

So this morning I scheduled my genetic testing appointment.  (If you hang on through the following description, I promise you a sexy story!)  Tomorrow morning, they are going to stick a needle up through my vag, past my cervix, into my uterus and insert it into my placenta.  From there, they will collect a small amount of cells that should determine the genotype of this little human I'm incubating.  I chose this method, CVS or chorionic villus sampling over the alternative, amniocentesis, because it can be done sooner.  This is important in my case because I know that if the fetus is carrying the unbalanced translocated chromosomes that it's more than likely not compatible with life and therefore I will terminate the pregnancy.  When termination is on the table, it is better to do this earlier rather than later.  Since it takes two weeks to get results from either method, it puts you much further into the pregnancy before you get the information to base your decision on.  The earliest an amnio can be performed is at 16 weeks.  That would put me at 18 weeks at the earliest before I could make the decision and follow through to terminate.  This would also put me smack dab in the middle of the Christmas season to kill my broken fetus, if it were to come to that.  It is also important to me that a decision be made before I start to feel the thing moving.  I don't want to feel the fetus wriggling around knowing it was on death row.  I'm a strong person and I've always known that termination was a possibility for me, but lets make it as easy as possible, shall we?  In addition, the sooner the procedure is performed, the less overall risks there are to my health.

This is heavy stuff.  I'm a bit anxious about this.  Because of the timing of the appointment, I'll be going alone.  I expect that the procedure itself won't be much different in practice compared to the hysterosalpingogram I had in January, so I'm not too worried about that.  I am however, nervous about the 1 in 200 risk of miscarriage and facing that after working 12 hours and getting little sleep.

When my husband approached me in the way that says, "I expect sex now." I kind of freaked out.  My anxiety and tiredness and pregnancy hormones sent me into a tirade which ended with me in the shower after yelling that I would be sure to fuck him.  While in the shower I unpacked and aired my anxiety and what it is really related to and came up with a good solution.  Since it seems a poor idea to have sex this morning, less than 24 hours from the CVS, I offered to suck his cock instead.

He was skeptical.  I told him to watch porn while I did so.  He reluctantly agreed.  I knelt in front of him at his computer and he watched a vanilla amateurish porn of man and a big-titted blonde woman.  This was not a very long blow job.  I found myself relaxing and getting turned on as I did my thing.   The subservient and submissive aspect of it turned me on.

It's a simple thing, but it was new to us and it was fun.  It also helped me make up for being a raging irrational misdirecting bitch a few minutes before.  And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why sex is important for marriages.

Whatever happens with the pregnancy, I will blog about it here.  If termination becomes something we face, this blog is the only outlet I have to discuss it publicly.  In my profession, I would be judged harshly and I draw the line at what I will put myself through.  However, I will always be open and honest in this forum.

My Husband Asked for It, He's Such a Cuck!

Before I left to go see.....  (really going to need a nickname soon, but now I've waited so long I'll never have one good enough!  Still, he's definitely a regular at this point and I don't want him going anywhere)... last night, my husband had a request.  Hearing about what happened was no longer enough for him.  He wanted to SEE it.  He wanted me to use my phone to document me getting fucked.  He swore to me that this is what he really wanted, that it would excite and not upset him.  I took him at his word.  Before we got just too involved with things, I asked my date if he was comfortable with this.  "I think something could be arranged he said."  Later, once his cock was in my mouth, "You said you wanted pictures, is this the sort of thing you want pictures of?"  I replied, "Video, if you don't mind."  And so it was.  Several still pictures and a few short videos were taken of the proceedings, during which I started my period, not as mortifying as you might imagine as it was discussed as a possibility before we began.  Open communication win! Thankfully, the flow was light enough to not interfere with the filming.  Chivalrous as he is, "Actually, there is just a bit of blood, so I'm just going to go grab a towel."

Afterwards, I texted my husband to let him know that I obtained what he had requested.  I stuck around for a while longer, cuddling and talking before I made the long drive home.  Once through the door, I immediately handed my phone over to Hubby who smiled big and again reassured me that he would be okay.  He was more than okay, it turned out.  He was really turned on.  He fucked me while he watched me getting fucked and asked me to be mean to him while he fucked me.  I was.  It's a much more fun role to play than I ever imagined.  Yelling at him to do better, fuck me harder...  I told him he could maybe fuck me as good as ----, I doubted it, but I wanted him to try.  Since then, he's enjoyed them several times without me.

Cuckolding... a fantasy he didn't know he had until we were poly.  Cuckolding....  a fun and kinky way to cope with your wife fucking someone else.   Cuckolding, as it turns out, is a lot of fun.  :D

Now that he has seen me getting fucked, I have high hopes that one day we can comfortably share a room together and maybe play a board game.  Hubby has a date with the wife of my date in the next few weeks.  They've been texting and she finds him "adorable".  I agree with this assessment, of course, and I hope it leads to him getting laid.

The night with ---- also included me sharing my favorite tumblr with his wife.  We all three looked through the entirety of http://handmaderyangosling.tumblr.com/ and laughed freely.  When she went to bed, I was sucking her husbands' face.  "Nice seeing you again," she yelled casually on her way to the bedroom.  The weird is becoming less and less weird and not a week goes by that I don't end up in another situation that I never would have expected.

In One Night, I Shake Dan Savage's Hand and a Unicorn Prances Out of the Mist

My previous post focused on the somber aspect of seeing Dan Savage lecture.   I will now discuss the exciting parts of my evening.  I got in line to get an autograph and speak briefly to Dan.  I hope I didn't sound like too much of a goober.  I didn't vomit anyway, and my friend assured me that as long as I didn't vomit, I would be okay.  He said he'd check out my blog.  No one else is, so I had nothing to lose by hoping that Dan would give it a quick look.  He shook my hand.  If you are reading this, Dan Savage, thank you!

I then had a delicious pizza with the awesome new friend that joined me for this little road trip before we hit to road to travel back home.  During all of this, Hubby let me know that he had been texting and phoning a girl from Cupid who brought up the topic of a threesome.  Upon arriving home, my husband ran outside to meet me.

"I hope you're not going to proposition me for a threesome."  I say.  Once inside, that's almost exactly what occurs.  While I was out, he found a unicorn.  We'll call her Mysti.  This is not something that I am opposed to.  On the contrary, it is something I want to do before I die.  It was not something I was expecting to fall into our lap so quickly.  Seriously?  We put ourselves on OkCupid less than a month ago and in that time, a unicorn slowly pranced out of the mist, propositioned my husband and made it very clear that she's sexually attracted to me.

I started drinking.  I was not prepared for this at all.  Once I am sufficiently inebriated to have this conversation, we call her.  Mysti is cute, she's funny and she's frank.  We talked about our interest in girls and had to tell Hubby to shut up so we could talk a bit.  My immediate impression is that I like her.  We have agreed to meet at a sex-postive coffee shop in Big City on Wednesday.  I'm meeting her at 7 and Hubby will join us later in the evening once he can leave class.

We have a date with a unicorn on Wednesday.

Two months ago, I had never even watched porn with my husband.  On Wednesday we are going to meet with a very eager unicorn.  Dear universe, could you give me one thing to blog about at a time please?  I'm a little sexually overwhelmed at the moment.  Is this really happening? 

An Unexpected Confession

As we've been carefully discussing how to wade into this new world of dating other people before us, we've been more honest and open with each other than we've ever been.  This has lead to several notable confessions that my husband has made to me.  This is the most shocking, interesting and flattering of them.

My first long term boyfriend, who was an unmotivated jackass, took some scantily clad and nude photographs of me when I was very young.  By very young I mean 18-19 years old.  The agreement was made that if we broke up, I would get the photos.  I got all of them except one that I'm sure that he kept intentionally.   I destroyed a few that were a little too crude for my tastes, but I kept most of them.  I knew that one day, old me would want to look back fondly on young me.  I kept them in a drawer in my room and assumed they were private.  Apparently I was wrong...

My dear husband was my dear friend for years before he became my dear boyfriend.  During the time of our friendship, he once stayed at my house for a few days while he was home from college.  While I was away at work, he stumbled upon the envelope that held my naked pictures.  He knew that they existed, but had little hope of ever seeing them.  When he saw a picture peeking out of the envelope, he knew what he had found.  "I had to make a decision."  he told me.  He decided to go through the pictures.  He spoke of this moment with such reverence that I could feel nothing but flattered.  When he described getting to some of the topless pictures, he was even more in awe, as he didn't know that any actual nudity existed in them.

"Did you masturbate?"  I asked.

"Yes."  He said.

He put them away and never looked at them again.  After we got together, I showed him the photos.  Once we moved in together, I essentially turned them over to his care.   They've been scanned so they are properly preserved for me in the future.  He always puts them back in the envelope the same way he found them that day.  With the first picture he saw sitting on top so he can recreate the moment when he found them each time he looks at them.

This makes me feel like a goddess.

For 7 or 8 years, he kept it a secret that he had seen me naked before he had any hope of actually seeing me naked.  He likely would have never told me at all.  It was discussing polyamory that brought us to that point and I think that's pretty darn amazing.