An Unexpected Third

It may have been somewhat absurdly timed, as things often are in my world, but the husband and I had an experience last night.  Well, two experiences, really.  I suppose it would be best for me to write about them separately, even though they were really one.  We had sex with a third party.  I had sex with a female-bodied person.  This happened while I am 38 weeks pregnant!  What the hell, Life?  You are one tricky MF.  Way to keep me on my toes!  Perhaps the hormones of impending motherhood are making me extra mushy, but this was a profound experience for me in several ways and I don't know that I have completely processed it yet.  I'm not going to write out a play by play.  Trust me, it was hot, but I want to write about the feels. 

First, there is the experience we had as a couple.  I've blogged before about the challenges we've encountered with opening our marriage and the added stress of the pregnancy.  Last night felt like the bookend to the beginning stages.  I feel like we've achieved a comfort level together that was difficult to imagine not that long ago.  The experience closed the first chapter on our poly life.  We have graduated.     I faced one of my fears in watching him with someone else.  Coming from someone who once demanded a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy with my husband's porn viewing, this is a Big Deal.  (This is not something I'm proud of, but it's true, blaming my Catholic upbringing goes a long way for crap like this.)  It's a good example of how much I've managed to grow as a person in the last year.  My confidence and security has increased exponentially.  I watched him flirt and wrestle and eventually kiss another person and I never felt the slightest twinge of jealousy or anything icky.  I was turned on!  Compersion, I has it.  My emotional homework was done and I was prepared for the test.  I didn't have to think.  The answers were there.  I was proud of the way we communicated in the beginning and throughout the experience.  It demonstrated our comfort level and the skills that we've learned.  I can't say that I didn't have any insecurities.  Having a new sex partner at this late stage of pregnancy did arouse some misgivings about my physical state, but I was reassured in a way that made me comfortable again.  The whole thing felt natural and organic and comfortable and just nice...  I did not expect it to be like that.  I expected a certain amount of discomfort for my first experience.  I was prepared to tread very carefully and take things slowly so that I could handle the negative emotions that were bound to come up.  The negativity never happened.  In the possibility of outcomes that I considered, one where everything went perfectly had never seemed a possibility.  I just wanted to fuck up as little as possible.  This is why I feel like we've graduated.  We aren't noobs anymore.  We can get things right the first time and walk away from a new and potentially delicate experience feeling good.  

The second part of this is my first experience with a female bodied person.  I first recognized my attraction to women in high school.  Aside from a few experiences during truth or dare games while drinking underage, I had not had the opportunity to explore this side of my sexuality outside of my head.  I had gone from one monogamous relationship with a man to another and at some point I started assuming that I wasn't bisexual at all.  I wrote it off as teenage hormones being out of control.  Why not?  I was perfectly satisfied with my male partners.  Opening had the side effect of reminding me of my attraction to women and gave me the opportunity to explore this again.  There were a few awkward and uncomfortable dates at the beginning of my OkC exploration, but again life got in the way and I decided not to pursue the experience at this time.  Then there was pregnancy and I put all new dating on hold.  Again, I was looking at an unspecified date sometime far in the future to fulfill my desire for exploration with a female.  I had accepted this.  

Thanks to last night, I can now go into motherhood having experienced and fully embraced my bisexuality.  I did not feel forced.  I didn't feel like I was just performing for my husband.  I was 100% in my body and in the moment.  I wanted it.  I enjoyed it.  I want it again.  Any self doubts I had about misinterpreting my attractions have evaporated.  I can completely claim bisexuality as a part of my identity, just as I can claim poly.  I don't have to wait and wonder about this any longer.    

I can't complete this post without expressing my gratitude to the person who gave us this gift.  I hope that she will spend more time with us in the future.  She is kind and comfortable and sweet.  She is beautiful and warm.  She gave us a special experience and I will be forever grateful.

In One Night, I Shake Dan Savage's Hand and a Unicorn Prances Out of the Mist

My previous post focused on the somber aspect of seeing Dan Savage lecture.   I will now discuss the exciting parts of my evening.  I got in line to get an autograph and speak briefly to Dan.  I hope I didn't sound like too much of a goober.  I didn't vomit anyway, and my friend assured me that as long as I didn't vomit, I would be okay.  He said he'd check out my blog.  No one else is, so I had nothing to lose by hoping that Dan would give it a quick look.  He shook my hand.  If you are reading this, Dan Savage, thank you!

I then had a delicious pizza with the awesome new friend that joined me for this little road trip before we hit to road to travel back home.  During all of this, Hubby let me know that he had been texting and phoning a girl from Cupid who brought up the topic of a threesome.  Upon arriving home, my husband ran outside to meet me.

"I hope you're not going to proposition me for a threesome."  I say.  Once inside, that's almost exactly what occurs.  While I was out, he found a unicorn.  We'll call her Mysti.  This is not something that I am opposed to.  On the contrary, it is something I want to do before I die.  It was not something I was expecting to fall into our lap so quickly.  Seriously?  We put ourselves on OkCupid less than a month ago and in that time, a unicorn slowly pranced out of the mist, propositioned my husband and made it very clear that she's sexually attracted to me.

I started drinking.  I was not prepared for this at all.  Once I am sufficiently inebriated to have this conversation, we call her.  Mysti is cute, she's funny and she's frank.  We talked about our interest in girls and had to tell Hubby to shut up so we could talk a bit.  My immediate impression is that I like her.  We have agreed to meet at a sex-postive coffee shop in Big City on Wednesday.  I'm meeting her at 7 and Hubby will join us later in the evening once he can leave class.

We have a date with a unicorn on Wednesday.

Two months ago, I had never even watched porn with my husband.  On Wednesday we are going to meet with a very eager unicorn.  Dear universe, could you give me one thing to blog about at a time please?  I'm a little sexually overwhelmed at the moment.  Is this really happening?