Adventures in Public Breastfeeding: The Graduation

I've been slacking on my blog.  I promise I will publish a birth story at the very least and catch up on all my half written posts, but first I am inspired to tell this story. 

This past evening I attended my brother's junior high graduation.  I brought along my kid.  In the 3 weeks since he has been born, I've practiced public breastfeeding in a variety of locations including  a nursing school graduation, an outdoor market and several restaurants.  I know the law in my state states that I can breastfeed my child any place that I am authorized to be, the only exception being churches who are allowed to make their own rules.  Since you aren't likely to find me in a church, that means I can whip it out anywhere and feed my kid.  Incidental exposure of my nipple is irrelevant, according to the law.   

That said, I did feel slightly uncomfortable when my son started crying at the graduation.  I was seated in the middle of the room, right by the center aisle.  I elected to first calm him and then offer him the boob so as to attract less attention to myself while I got him to latch.  My plan was working.  Kiddo settled down and I exposed my breast momentarily while he latched.  My mom was sitting next to me and reached over to try to cover me.  

"I don't need a cover." I said.  Unfortunately, this may be the one time I did, as I looked up to see my friend's kid pointing his camera at me.  He had run down the center aisle in the middle of the ceremony to do this.  Now, this kid is autism spectrum, so his behavior can be more easily forgiven than a typical 14 year old.  It took me a moment to realize what he was doing and why the people around us were laughing.  I laughed too, but I also let my friend know what had happened.  

Now, some people might argue that this is exactly why women shouldn't breastfeed in public.  Here we have an impressionable young man who was witness to my *gasp* breasts in a public setting.  At a graduation, for cryin out loud!  A gymnasium filled with impressionable young minds! 

This is incorrect thinking.  I did nothing wrong.  I fed my baby.  The young man was the one in the wrong.  Photographing my exposed breast without my consent was completely inappropriate.  Likely, up until this point, all of his experience with breasts was through photos or videos on the Internet.  Of course it seemed appropriate to photograph this boob.  Since breastfeeding isn't something we see very often, he didn't know that this was different from the boobs he's experienced in the past. 

The outcome of this situation is exactly what should have happened.  His mother was informed of his actions, she corrected his behavior and he apologized to me.  He has been educated on breastfeeding and appropriate camera use.  Again, please remember that he is autism spectrum and thus has a different understanding of social rules.  It does not come naturally for him to predict the correct social behavior.  

When I prepared myself for breastfeeding in public, I did not prepare myself for this occurrence.  However, I think I handled it well.  The important thing is that my child was able to eat and I wasn't hassled for feeding him in the most natural and simple way that there is.   

The Consequences of Hitting on Cute Young Servers at Your Local Denny's

I hadn't seen DK in a while and I had started to believe that he may no longer work at my local Denny's.  I had unfriended him on social media and ignored his request when he attempted to refriend me.  Seriously, I have zero interest at this point.  He's a joke. 

Last night I traveled to Denny's for my usual standing date with Joe.  Unfortunately, I arrived before him.  I see DK outside the restaurant as I pull in.  I walk towards the restaurant and I see him quickly put out his cigarette and go in the other door to get ahead of me and hold the inner door open for me. 

"Hey" I say. "I'm meeting a friend."  I'm trying to be cool, but I stumble a bit and have to clumsily catch myself by reaching for the wall.  (Stupid shifting center of gravity!)

"Whoa!  Be careful.  You're meeting a friend, huh?" DK is already starting in on being a douche.  Apparently he hasn't figured out that I have self esteem.

"Yep.  He's not here yet.  I'm just gonna take this booth, is that cool?"

"Sure."

I sit down and immediately text Joe.  "Oh gawd.  Get here please.  That server is here!  Help me!" 

DK gets me a coke and then leans against the bench across from me.  At this point, I have taken note of Joe's care in the parking lot.  

"So, your friend is coming up here, huh?  I don't have anything to do right now.  You could just wait around for an hour or I could be your friend."

"Actually, he's walking in right now." 

"Oh, I see." He replies.  I can't hide my amused smile.  Is this guy for real?  He still thinks that negging me is going to get somewhere or maybe his conceited little butt actually thought that I was just coming up there to see him and I made up the friend.  He walks away and Joe slides into the booth across from me just a moment later. 

DK continues to try to flirt once Joe arrives.  He quickly figures out that he's not welcome in our conversation.  Joe picks up on this too and even made a protective comment under his breath as the guy walked away.  "Dude, how do you know that's not my girlfriend?" 

"Well, he is aware of the open relationship, but it would still be bad form to flirt like that if we were on a date."

I order off their ridiculous "Hobbit" menu and I receive this skillet piled high with pot roast and veggies.  DK sets it on the table with the following comment, "I hope you're hungry enough."  I ignore this comment, but I take note of his apparent interest in how much I eat. 

Joe and I had our usual conversations. Work, education, mutual friends, sex, his dying cat, my pregnancy...  It goes on and on.  I continue on my quest to convince him of the realities of female ejaculation.  DK eventually arrives to take my plate.  Now, maybe he just has no idea what else to say to me, so he again comments on my food. 

"Wow.  You must have been really hungry."

"Is that serious or sarcastic?"

"It's sarcastic.  I'm always surprised when someone actually finishes their food.  Like him.  He did a good job."  I clap for Joe and his clean plate in response.

"Maybe you shouldn't make so many comments on what a girl eats..." I offer this unsolicited advice to DK.  He offers a to-go box and I accept. 

"Joe, you cleaned your plate.  It's gonna be a sunny day tomorrow!  That's what my grandma used to say."  Which is only one of the weird things my crazy grandma used to say.

"My cat's going to die tomorrow."  He deadpans.  I love Joe.

Months ago, in the beginning thralls of my new freedom to flirt, I flirted with a young disrespectful playa and I'm still dealing with the awkward consequences.  He was butt hurt over it.  He shut down.  When he cashed out our tickets, he said as little as possible and although I was avoiding eye contact, so was he.  I don't feel the least bit guilty about this. I'm a cool chic and he could have at least made out with me if he had treated me with respect.  The negging, the standing up... yeah, he's not that cute.  I'll still check him out as he walks away, but I have no interest in anything other than looking.  I'd like to think this older lady taught him something about how to treat women, but the reality is he'll probably just stay butt hurt and call me a slut if anyone asks.  Silly boy.

The lesson here?  If you want your local Denny's to stay your haven for meeting good friends and lovers and study buddies and family members for late night coffee and pie, don't flirt with the servers.  You're just setting yourself up for awkwardness in the future.  Especially if you are clumsy and trip over your own feet when you are trying to act cool and blow someone off.  There are exceptions to this rule, as there are with all rules.  Years ago, I flirted with a server at my local Denny's and had a short, but very fun relationship with the guy.  The sex was great.  I'd do him again if I had the chance, but that was years ago and he was older than me.