Things Got Rocky, But They Appear to Have Settled

I haven't been posting about our rough patch, because things were so personal and so difficult that I didn't want to add any additional threat by writing about them here.  There are a handful of people in the local community who know my real identity and I couldn't blog as freely as I would have otherwise.

Things seem to have settled and are truly on the upswing as of right now, but there was a lot of arguing and a lot of discussing, some careful negotiation and some refusing to back down.  What we argued about was remaining in an open, poly relationship.  What we have settled on is remaining in an open, poly relationship.

After numerous disappointments and let downs, Hubby was feeling pretty down about his prospects and having a hard time seeing the benefits of being poly when all he had thus far was emotional pain.  The pain of being dumped in addition to the pain of having to share me was really bringing him down.  He wanted to close.  I refused.  Thus began about 6 weeks of arguing about the future of our relationship and whether or not we would stay married.

What we have settled upon is remaining open.  I am content to just date NMB for the time being, until a time which he feels more comfortable.  He now has a consistent fun thing going on, but there is little emotion there.  He still really wants an emotional connection with another girl and is continuing to search for it.

I still feel like things are precarious, but I also feel like it is more important now to stick to my convictions and fight for the open relationship.  Monogamy does not make sense to me any more, on a fundamental level.  On a practical level, I will not give up my relationship with NMB.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.

Things have changed for us in the last few weeks and in the coming months/year will be changing even more.  I will write about this soon, but for now, I am just happy that I managed to squeeze out a post at all. 

The Lost Emotions of Monogamy and How It Relates to Art

The act of staying in a monogamous relationship cuts you off from some of the most intense emotions that humans can feel.  The emotions of falling in love and breaking up inspire works of art in many mediums.  I've often wondered in the past how songwriters who are in long term monogamous relationships maintain the ability to write vivid songs about these life events when they are no longer allowed to experience them.  I had lost touch with these feelings.  I remembered them, but not enough to write about them with any clarity or accuracy.

I truly didn't understand how long time married artists like Jeff Tweedy could write songs like this:

(Okay, now I think this song is about recovering from an infidelity.  OMG, Jeff, if you are poly, please sleep with me!)

and this more recent one:

(This one is more believably about a LTR, but it feels like a new relationship.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my newly evolving pictures of relationships are leading me to interpret songs and lyrics differently than I have in the past.  At least I have one possible explanation for how artists stay in touch with those emotions.

I'm also trying to say that Jeff Tweedy of Wilco has a free pass to sleep with me at any time of his choosing.  Especially when he does adorable things like this:

WHOA!  In logging onto Wilco's website to obtain that link, I just happened to find a show date near me.  It also just so happened that the presale for that show was going on right now.  It also happened that tickets were available.  Secret-poly-blog WIN!  If I hadn't been blogging about how much I want to sleep with Jeff Tweedy and how much I love Wilco's music, I wouldn't have found out about the show in time to get tickets.  YAHOO!