It's Saturday Morning, Time for me to write about the last few days.

Thursday afternoon:  I'm awake when I should be sleeping due to having to run an unexpected errand.  I log onto okc and see that Skittles had sent me a message.  We had a successful chat a few weeks ago and I shot him my number at the end, then I heard nothing.  I figured he vapor trailed, but I did check out his profile after that and he checked out mine.  It's a short message, but he's also online so I turned on my IM and chatted.  Turns out he doesn't have a phone right now, making my number useless.  He asks if I have Skype.  I don't, but I go ahead and sign up.  The call connects, but there's no audio.  He confirms so in an IM.  I had to quickly figure out how to IM on that software, and then we were video IMing.  I find him quite attractive.  He's tattooed and pierced and generally scruffy.  He complimented my appearance in the following ways...  said I was hot, said I have nice teeth, said my husband (who could be seen walking around in the background) is a lucky man because I am "fucking hot".  This felt particularly good as I was essentially in my pajamas.  Complimenting my teeth was nice as I am one of the few people in my generation to never have braces.  I have nice teeth for never having had braces.  I do not have nice teeth when compared to most people my age and younger.  I am an anomaly with slightly crooked teeth and a mild overbite.  After that lovely self esteem boost I headed to bed, but not before setting up a date for next week.  Woot!

Thursday night: I swear I think that just about everyone that saw me, complimented my hair!  It was truly a good hair day!  Something I rarely have.  I switched back to pure coconut oil for antifrizz, that must be what did it!   I was over the moon.  The last 24 hours have given me the feedback that I'm fucking hot with nice teeth and great hair. 

Friday night: I got up early-ish and headed to Hulk's.  We had plans to participate in my community's annual night time bike ride, the Tour de LikeImmaGonnaTellYou.  I got there early so we could grab some dinner.  He was expecting his kid to be dropped off at 6pm.  I arrived about 4:30.  He came onto me, got me to peel of my bike shorts, got my shirt off, was making out with me...  Then his head was on my chest again with that same sense of defeat.  We talked about it.  He was afraid that what happened last time (loss of erection) was going to happen again.  I reassured him that we didn't have to have sex right now.  By this time, we were expecting his ex-ish wife to show up with the kid in about an hour...  talk about pressure to perform.  I strongly encouraged him to not attempt sex right now.  I guess I just want us to be set up for success.  The failures do bother me.  I internalize them a bit no matter what.

Throughout our conversations in the meantime, the following bits of information were revealed.  Cue list format.

• He often has that problem the first time he has sex with someone.   
• He has been dating someone else.  He had the same problem with her the first time.  The second time, they successfully slept together.  He used a condom, I asked to be sure.  I'm betting it was one of the ones I left there.  If that's the case, I'm sure glad I did that.  Maybe I need to drop off a box.  (Fun fact: This has no potential of being serious.  This is at least in part due to her inability to successfully deduce strategy for the game Plants Vs Zombies. Something I've literally seen toddlers successfully play.)
• His ex-wife has a history of getting jealous when knowing about his dating.  She got on him about having a date stay the night with the kid there.  She said he was teaching the kid bad morals since they are technically still married.  Yikes!  I'd hate to think what she'd have to say about my morals!  Complicating that, we are in the same profession, she having graduated a year after me from the same nursing program, but works at rival hospital across town.  There is a chance that I could one day have to see her professionally if she were to jump ship and come to our side. 

These facts, combined with some other aspects of his personality, assure me that I could never seriously date him.  Even if I was single and dating, the jealous ex-ish moral-spouting wife would be enough to make me uncomfortable.  I don't want that kind of drama.  We have a decision to make.  Be discrete or come clean about it.  If she finds out, it's going to get way weirder than I wish to invite.

I decided that perhaps the best way to handle the ex-ish wife situation is to be gone when she arrives with the kid.  I plan to order food and go pick it up.  I'm punching things into the Jimmy John's app for pick up and he looks up.  "Oh shit, she's here!"  'Okay, how do you want to handle this?"  He asked me to hang out in the bedroom and went outside to meet her.  I felt like Bob Loblaw ("I shall hide behind the couch.")  Sitting there alone I thought to myself, "This would have been way less weird if I had just waved and smiled."  She knows that I'm married and that we have mutual friends.  She is not likely to think this is weird.   She did ask him whose truck was in his driveway.  He told her.  She seemed fine.  Oh well, live and learn to lie better.  Sigh.  I really hate that part of it.

We got dinner, picked up some supplies, decorated our bikes and headed up to the ride.  It was a nice ride.  The weather was perfect for a night time bicycle ride.  We started at the back of the pack and made a leisurely trek on the 15 mile route.  It was quite pleasant.  I'm always one of the last to finish, but I don't mind.  People sit out on the route and cheer on the riders as they go by.  I wasn't in as bad of shape as I thought and I didn't even get really winded.   The route is mostly flat, so that's nice. I considered sneaking a kiss out in public like that, but when I got home and saw how many of my Facebook friends were also on the ride, I was glad that I didn't.  It's not like when I'm with NMB and I have to really work to keep my hands and lips to myself.  I'm starting to think of Hulk as more of a friend that I care about, like to cuddle with and kiss and might possibly, maybe, I dunno, have sex with someday.  The nice thing about poly is that it has room to be whatever it can be.  We rode past my in-laws and I waved enthusiastically to them.  We rode past the street I grew up on, down the hill I rode my bike down as a kid, past my grade school, near my grandma's house, and past my current residence.  The unfamiliar car out front told me that Hubby was having a successful date of his own with a woman he just talked to on Thursday afternoon.  After the ride, his text told me that his numbers have been increased to 7.  All of his post marital successes have been on the first date.  Sigh.  I honestly can't keep track of all of them anymore.  I think this is the 20 year old.  I haven't asked for details yet.  I find that I do better with that when some time has passed.

When we got back to Hulk's house, he put his daughter to bed and came onto me again.  It wasn't hard, staring at him walking around shirtless is certainly a nice enough sight to get me interested.  However, I felt that again, we would be setting ourselves up for failure.  I like dick and all, but I'm not about to go down there after a 15 mile bike ride, nor would I want him heading that way on me.  Also, the fact that his kid was sleeping in his bed meant that we would be relegated to the couch.  There are no doors in his WIP home and I'm loud.  He said I could stay the night.  Right, haha!  Ex-ish wife may not have been concerned that I was over there at 4:30 in the afternoon.  I'm damned sure she would have been concerned about me spending the night.  "It's not really any of her business" he argued.  "I agree, but your kid is capable of telling stories, you know."  The excuse that I was too tired to drive home wouldn't hold a lot of water either as I live about 0.5 miles away.  Yep.  These are things I think about.  Hulk may need some work on his Emotional IQ, another reason I couldn't seriously date him.

I did tease him about being a tease.  I told him "Next time" and headed for the door.  I stopped and went back for more kissing before committing to the decision to extricate myself from this.  "Next time." I said again as I left. I watched his porch light go out and I headed home.

Hubby's sex with _____ (Seriously, I can't remember this one's real name.  She plays roller derby, that's all I can remember.) was reportedly "neat-o".  Post being dumped, I'm happy that he had that.  On the other hand, I'm bummed.  Society has lead me to believe that sex should come easily for women when they want it.  Apparently not when they are looking for it.  Maybe I should try a less aggressive approach, put up a new picture on OkC...  I dunno.  It's hard to not get a little bummed out.  On the other hand, part of hubby's success is his feminist ideals and genuine respect for women.  That's a harder to find and I lose my interest pretty darn quick if it's not there.  Men can instantly become less attractive when they open their mouths or post some obnoxious opinion on their Facebook wall.  Things change quickly for him and they have the potential to do the same for me. 

Saturday morning: I woke after 3 hours of sleep and a dream about the hot IT guy from work coming onto me.  He was sitting next to me talking and without warning or explanation he tilted his head and moved closer and closer to my face until his lips were brushing against mine as he talked.  When I opened my mouth to protest, (Stop!  My friend has a crush on you!) he started kissing me.  It was way hot in my dream and I doubt he's nearly that smooth in real life.  Who is?  That was a Hollywood kiss right there.  My brain must be trying to reassure me and I thank it for that.  It also lead me to immediately text my friend who's crushing on him and confess.  She was cool.  Said that someone should be dreaming about him and wanted to know details.  She's a down to Earth super cool friend and she totally deserves this guy.  I want them to hook up.  But if she loses interest, she is to let me know.  In response to my dream, I made this meme.

Plans for today include going back to bed and going out the that gay part of Big City for the Slutwalk.  This will be a new experience for me!

"So, You've Broken the Chains of Monogamy Then"

Remember the swooning I did about 2 weeks ago?  Well, we had a second date.  In between the first and second date there were many many text messages exchanged.  They started off fun and flirty, got serious at times, went back to fun and flirty, covered the safer sex/history discussion, and went back to fun and flirty.  Our texting occurred in the late hours of the night, mostly between 11pm and 3am.  This was awesome for getting through some boring nights at work.

After several messages of cheesiness and general silly flirting, he sent the following message

Cheese and joking aside, I did find your company to be enjoyable and you to be attractive.  These are qualities which combine to make me interested in getting you into bed, if such things work out.  (Awkwardness of conversation: escalated)

Sexy man wanted to sleep with me.  I suspected the chemistry was mutual, but one is wise to be cautious with such assumptions.  Especially when one is new to poly, has been on several dates and on OkCupid for 2 months and has yet to sleep with anyone new.  That is a little disheartening in a way.  I was fairly ready to take it off for someone who was attractive and somewhat compatible.  You wouldn't think it would take all that long to find someone to fuck me.  Oh well (spoiler alert) the deed is done now.

Since its been 7 years since I was single and dating, I can truly appreciate how texting has changed the landscape of dating.  Having the sexual history discussion via text is something new and it's quite nice.  I appreciate the less awkward aspect of not being face to face for it.  You don't feel quite so judged.  Another benefit that was pointed out to me is that when you are texting you are not in the heat of the moment and thus tempted to skip important parts.  These are advantages to the "netization" of our socialization.  Besides, IMing on AOL back in the day was how I got dates in high school, so this works for me.  I appreciate someone who has command of the English language and can effectively flirt via text.  It's not all that easy.

In the meantime,  the Hubby and I negotiated terms for the next date.  I had no restrictions.  I could bring him back to the house and Hubby even helped me clean the house.  Yes, you read that correctly.  My husband helped me clean the house so that I could have a man over while he was at work for the purposes of having sex.  My only rule was to change the sheet before he got home.  With the mutual attraction confirmed, the safer sex conversation out of the way and full permissions granted by my husband things were set up for my first act of intercourse outside of my marriage. 


So, our flirting and general conversation went on and on until Tuesday finally arrived.  I woke up a little late and rather had to rush to make it to the restaurant.  I was only a few minutes late, thankfully.  And by a few, I mean like 4 or 5 minutes.  The restaurant was meh.  What happened afterwards was not at all meh.  He followed me back to the house.  On the way there I had a conversation with my mother on the phone. 

What are you doing?

I'm on my way home.

From where?

Dinner.  (Please don't ask any more questions...  please don't ask any more questions...)

Oh.  Well, I was calling about your brother...

(whew)

Once off the phone with her, I turned up the stereo and listened to Noah and the Whale.  There was a storm ahead of us on the highway, but it was only lightly raining where I was.  Once in a while lightening would strike in the clouds ahead.   I rolled the windows down and let my hair blow everywhere.  The wind smelled like rain and I was electrified by the spring storm and the feeling of change.  I was taking a guy home with the intention of having sex with him!

The night outside is five below
His heart is pumping blood
On his lips a perfect smile
His eyes begin to flood

Because tonight's the kind of night
Where everything could change
Tonight's the kind of night
Where everything could change

Noah and the Whale provided the lo-fi youth-inspired theme song to my intentions. 

Once inside, I didn't know how things were going to proceed.  Is it like how things were when I was younger, do you put on a movie and pretend you are going to watch it?  Nope.  He points out that the kissing was fun and I agreed.  From there, making out ensued.  He pulled me onto his lap so that I was straddling him.  We kissed a lot.  I leaned back and removed my shirt.  He seemed to appreciate that.  I ground my hips against him.  He removed his shirt.  I was wearing a skirt and his hands were wandering underneath it.  There was some awkward talking, but also this wonderful build up that comes along with a first encounter.   "It's like magic," I tell him, "I found you on OkCupid and now you are in my living room." I really feel like I've won something.  My bra is removed after he comments, "I never really know how these front clasp bras work."  I unsnap it.  After some more kissing and attention to my breasts, he asks me, "Any feelings of guilt?"  I leaned towards him and responded "No.  Not really.  I mean, there's a certain amount of discomfort knowing that what I'm doing will cause my husband emotional pain, but I know I have permission."  And we go back to what we were doing.  Honestly, what I wanted more than anything was to stay engaged in the moment and not lose my focus or primal intentions.  It honestly felt like the best thing to do for my husband was to make the most out of the experience so that his pain wouldn't be wasted.

Finally I stood up and made a comment about the futon folding down.  We make out further while we undress.  He slides his hand into my underwear and briefly slides his fingers inside me.  I am extremely wet.  He removes his fingers and licks them while murmuring "hmmm."  This is a move that turns me on.  We both finished undressing and I pulled the futon down into a bed.  I climbed onto the bed and he stood in front of me.  Okay.  Let's explore this cock.  Uncut.  Nice.  This will be fun.  I am not unfamiliar with this style as my first boyfriend in high school was not circumcised, and that was the guy I lost my virginity to.  Oddly enough, I honestly didn't know this at the time.  It was only after I had slept with someone else that I noticed the difference in anatomy.  I know what to do and I can approach this with some measure of confidence.  

So I suck his cock for a while.  He receives this attention differently than my husband.  He has both hands on the back of my head and he thrusts his hips towards me.  It was not uncomfortable and it did not bother me, but I was mostly indifferent to it.  It took some of the control away from me, but that's alright too.  After some time, we progressed to the next activity.  He spends some time just looking at my pussy and breathing on her.  I'm excited about this, but also apprehensive as I'm quite sure that most men don't know what they are doing down there.  He did.  It wasn't perfectly in tune with what I like, but I came rather quickly and had to ask him to ease off.  He seemed to enjoy this.  "You're fun." he said at one point.  I think this was in reference to the noises I was making and my general level of enthusiasm.  He kept at this for longer than I expected.  I came several times like this, each time having to ask him to slow down.  He pushed my limits and the whole time it bordered on too much stimulation, which ended in some intense orgasms, but was also a strange feeling. 

He stopped and stood up and asked where I hide my latex free condoms.  I crawled across the bed and reached into a box on the end table to get to them.  I did this knowing he would get an unrestricted view of my ass and I hoped he would enjoy that.  He did.  "I'm just enjoying the view," he said.  Awesome.  I was a little worried that he wouldn't like what he saw.  I'm glad to know that I was wrong.

And so we did it.  We fucked in my marriage bed.  It was fun!  And I didn't feel guilty about it.  I wanted it.  Afterwards, we cuddled for a long time.  We chatted, we kissed some more, and he gave me a really good back massage.  Eventually, he fell asleep and I got up to make a sandwich.  I later crawled back into bed and cuddled with him some more before I had to kick him out.  At one point he told me that I was "very responsive" in that it was really easy for me to get off.

I changed the sheet and I took a shower.  I erased all visible evidence of our tryst so that there would be no visible evidence to throw in my husband's face when I got home.  

Now I had Friday to look forward to, for that is when we made plans to meet again.  Friday.  And once I post this I will begin writing about what happened on Friday.  ;)