The last two blog posts I made were from a very intense and sad place. The emotions were very immature when I posted them. It got way worse than that before it got better. I ended up texting hubby for about an hour before he came home from his date. Once home, we had only a little bit to talk before I went to work. I worked for the next 12 hours and just barely survived it. When I arrived home that morning, I had taken a short bus to Crazy Town. It was not fun.
I climbed in the shower and stayed there for 30 minutes. I started crying. I started hyperventilating. My face was numb and my head was spinning. Hubby turned off the shower and tossed a towel around me and begged me to get out of the shower. I thought I might pass out and hit my head on the toilet or the tub on the way down. I didn't care. I just stood there. I eventually made it to the bed and laid there. Hubby lay down behind me and told me to let it out. I screamed and yelled and said horrible mean things for the next hour or so until I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I was in a much better place. We were able to talk for real and finally get somewhere. I really wanted to feel better, but I didn't feel better, not really. I started a dialog on Facebook with the girl, whose name I found difficult to use at first. We'll call her Munchy. That evening she wrote to be on Facebook and said some very nice things to make me feel at ease. After I got the message on FB, Hubby's phone chimed with a text message from Munchy. She took the time to message me before she messaged him. That afternoon, I was able to allow him to go pick her up from work.
The next day, I truly felt better. The FB dialog between Munchy and I continues. She's making it impossible to not like her. She's experienced in poly matters and seems to know exactly what to say. She absolved me of my guilt over my crazy behavior. She made it clear that I'm the primary and that she'll always stand aside for my emotional needs. We have many things in common.
Yesterday, hubby went to visit her at her job in a chain gift shop attached to a restaurant. Apparently, she lead him around the store and used her bubbly personality and acting experience to pick out small gifts for me. How can I possibly dislike that?
It's a journey, but it's worth it.
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