Pregnant and Poly

Hubby and I are about to have some huge changes in our life.  About 3 weeks ago, my period was late by a few days.  I didn't think much of it as they are irregular and I was bloated and crampy and felt about ready to start.  I was also mildly nauseous, exhausted, had increased genital sensitivity and lubrication, and my breasts were more tender than they usually are.  Still, with 2 years of negative pregnancy tests behind me, I wasn't too eager to see another expensive disappointment stick.  In fact, when I took the test it was a sort of afterthought, I had to stop the stream and count on having enough urine left from my first pee to take the test.  The positive line showed up right away, but I didn't believe it.  I stared for a moment then handed it to Hubby, who was standing right next to me in the bathroom.  (Yes, we pee in front of each other.  We find that it neither adds nor detracts from the "romance" of our marriage.  It does make having one bathroom less inconvenient.)

"Um, this stick says I'm pregnant."  I said.  He looked at it, handed it back to me and walked out of the bathroom without saying anything.

Last Friday, we had our first appointment with the most awesome OG/GYN that there is.  We got to see our baby on the ultrasound.  It looked like a peanut, but the peanut had a heartbeat.  This means that from this point on, the risk of miscarriage is extremely low.  Things are looking good that an actual real life baby is in our future.

I've received two questions from the people that we've announced the pregnancy to that know about our open relationship/poly secret life.

Q. Is it Hubby's?
 A. Yes.  Since we require protection with all other partners and there have been no slip ups or breakages, I can be certain that the baby belongs to my husband.  This was an awkward thing I wished to avoid when becoming open and therefore fluid bonding with another partner was never on the table for me.

Q. So, will you continue to be...?
A. Open? Also, yes.  In fact, it's more important to me now than ever before that we work things out and continue our poly life.  Having families often makes people feel isolated and limits their adult interaction.  I want to minimize that as much as possible.  What better way than to maintain romantic relationships outside of the marriage.  Hubby is concerned with losing his freedom, why take another thing away that lets him feel free.

That said, I will not be pursuing any new relationships while I am pregnant.  Any hope I had at getting involved in the local BDSM scene is also on hold, even if Hubby's comfort level with it increases. (Who's going to tie up and pretend to abuse a pregnant woman?) I will maintain and enjoy my relationship with NMB, who is happy for us.  NMB's wife is very excited to get to be around a baby.  It adds a different dimension of support and interest that is nice.  Also, even though it's clearly a decent thing to do and he knew that this was a possibility, I can't help but be touched by the fact that NMB is totally fine with the pregnancy.  For someone who seemed to have a history of casual, no commitment simple relationships, sticking with me through something as complicated as the incubation and creation of a child seems big.  It feels good.  It is realistic to assume that I will see less of him as the pregnancy becomes more annoying and when the baby arrives, but knowing that he'll be there is a damn good feeling.  I can also look to the two of them for advice on parenting, meaning I will have extra support as a new mom.

Hubby is pursuing new relationships and maintaining one casual one.  I hope that he can find someone that he feels a strong connection with.  He feared that pregnancy would cause me to want to turn our relationship inward and that I wouldn't want him dating anymore if I got pregnant.  I am finally able to prove him wrong.  Here I am, hormones and all, encouraging him to date. 

And so here we are.  Having a child will add a new learning curve to our poly experience, but others have done it and we will too.  Being poly will add stress to our young family at times, but I also anticipate that having activities and adult relationships outside of each other and with the baby will be a huge advantage for us.  The adventure continues!