I went to a kids and baby consignment sale last weekend with my good friend. The sale was organized by a mommy club of sorts. This local group of moms also organizes play dates and date nights and other things to do with their group. I asked some questions while checking out.
Now, our situation is that I am the primary earner in our household. I am also so not programed to stay home with a baby. Therefore, we've long discussed that if one of us was to be a stay at home parent, it would be Hubby. Seriously, he is way more suited for the task anyway. This group had "and More" in their group name, so I made the silly assumption that "and More" might include dads.
"Do you have any Dad's in the group?" I asked three women at the checkout. The first two stumbled and stuttered and looked at me like I have three heads. I went on, "because if any of us stay home with the baby, it will probably be my husband." Finally the one seated responded.
"He'd probably be the only one. We don't really have any dads in the group." She replied, the only one unfazed by the the apparent socially disrupting question I just asked. She smiled, even.
"Oh, well, he'd probably really like that!" I said and laughed. The two standing ladies laughed nervously, which sounded really strange against my genuine giggles.
Moral of the story: People are really uncomfortable if you admit your husband likes being around other women. This has always been the case. Most of Hubby's friends are female and always have been. I have never taken issue with this and I've never had a problem with him spending time with female friends without me. I forgot that this is weird.
Alternate moral of the story: Mommy groups are likely to be too conventional for me. They are probably also very cliquey, according to reports from other moms.
Additional moral of the story: Being a stay at home dad still has a stigma attached to it that Hubby will likely have to deal with if that's how we go about things. This is annoying. However, I'm certain that he will also see a benefit when it comes to dating. My dad, as a single father with full custody, got tons of action while I was growing up.
I've definitely heard of "mom groups" being actively hostile to stay-at-home dads who want to join for the child-socializing stuff. Sad, really.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad! There is a local group of dads, but I know Hubby would do better with a group of women. Maybe there's a mixed gender group out there somewhere, if not, there should be!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those situations where it might be best to assemble your own "group"--I met another mom at a poly meet-and-greet who was fed up with the cliquey nature of the mommy groups she'd tried to join, and we had some talk of play dates. We have since then completely failed to get together, but there are definitely less-traditional parents out there who would enjoy such a thing.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I recently hung out with some friends of my BF who have a daughter Kiddo's age, a younger one, and another baby on the way--they're pretty awesome people, as far as I can tell. I think BF is planning to come out as poly to them Monday, and if they still feel comfortable hanging out with me after they know, well...three families can totally be the core of a play group! :-D
That sounds awesome! My bff would likely be up for it too. She's not poly, but she's not at all judgmental and has no issues with her kids being around deviants like us.
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