I watched Bridesmaids. Now I'm going to rant about it.

I've had this DVD on loan from a friend who insisted that I watch it.   It has sat around for weeks and weeks.  I'm sick with a cold and home alone so I popped it in the player.  It was kinda funny, sometimes...  but for the most part, it reinforced negative female stereotypes in way that just ticked me off. 

The movie opens with some very awkward sex scenes.  I'm sure this is supposed to be funny, but it just made me uncomfortable.  The main character, Annie, is fucking her FWB and it's hard to believe that she's having a good time from what you see.  Limbs flail around.  She makes requests that are ignored by her lover.  She wakes up before him in the morning and we see her sneaking back into bed after fixing her hair and makeup before crawling into bed.  Is this really what we want, ladies?  A relationship where the pressure to be pretty is so high that you have to sneak around to avoid being seen without your makeup on?

The sex negativity continues when she meets up with her friend, Lillian, for breakfast.  Her friend shames her for visiting the FWB and they laugh about their mutual distaste blow jobs.  It's funny because penises are gross, I think.  Some time after that, her friend becomes engaged and that's where the girl vs girl competition begins.  Annie is chosen as Lillian's Maid of Honor and is introduced to Helen, a new friend and member of the bridal party.  Helen is a character with some negative traits, but even from the beginning she isn't completely unlikeable.  She's kind and pleasant.  She's rich and Annie is broke, so you, know, we can't trust the upper class.  We see early hints that that her life isn't as pleasant as it looks from the outside when her step-children curse at her after she greets them.  It's obvious that both women are insecure.  The conflict arises over jealousy and who can prove to be Lillian's bestest BFF.  You know, because there can be only one.  At least that's what this movie believes and it's an absurd premise for a movie.

The conflict between the two of them ranges from giving speeches, making the best wedding plans, having better connections and planning the bridal shower.  The shower is where Annie reaches her limit and explodes.  Her life is in shambles and she's been shown up over and over again by Helen.  She screams at Helen and Lillian, destroys the decorations, loses her welcome to attend the wedding and leaves.

Eventually, Helen shows up on the day of the wedding to ask for Annie's help in searching for Lillian.  The conflict is resolved between them as they drive.  The conflict is resolved by Helen apologizing, admitting that she has a mostly unhappy life and crying a bit.  Annie takes pleasure in Helen's tears and the fact that she is an "ugly crier".  Then they start to respect each other.  THAT'S CONFLICT RESOLUTION BETWEEN GIRLS!?  They don't talk about anything.  They don't really respect each other.  Annie is just happy that Helen isn't as perfect as she thought.  The rest of the movie is sprinkled with jokes about Helen getting things about Lillian wrong and proving to be less of an awesome best friend despite spending a lot of money on everything.  So Annie wins the title of Lillian's BFF in the end because...  because... the main character has to win?  I really don't know.

The best part about this movie is the adorable Irish cop who is genuinely nice and is treated quite poorly by Annie.  She flirts with him, sleeps with him, gets mad when he does something really nice (I think she was mad because he couldn't read her mind, I dunno) and then never calls or texts.  There are also several scenes where she is intimidated by the happiness of others and even tries to bring people down from their happy moments of buying jewelry at her job.  This is supposed to be funny, but it makes her a very unlikeable character.  

The entire plot of this movie is based on jealousy and competition between women.  It would be bad enough if it was over a man, where it's unacceptable to share in our society, but it's over a female friend.  Having more than one female friend is totally acceptable, so why do they feel the need to fight over her.  This absurd premise combined with the overall poorly designed and unlikeable main character (Do women have to be bitchy to be funny?  No.) makes this movie difficult to enjoy.