It's been over three years since we opened our marriage. Over three years since I began seeing my boyfriend. It hasn't always been easy, but I maintain that it has always been worth the hassle. A few months ago, I decided to jump off the cliff and post to Facebook about being poly. My husband and I changed our relationship status to "in an open relationship." The post got a fair amount of likes and comments, especially from my supportive friends. No one said anything negative on the post or to my face. No one's really asked me about it. I don't know for sure if my conservative family members have not noticed the change or have decided not to say anything. (After all, the attention would just encourage my desire to shock and outrage... *eyeroll* ...because I live my life for them.)
Since I had already told everyone close to me, beyond the immediate outpouring of support, my life has changed very little. I can't assume that people know what it means when I say I am poly. I was at a party recently with my boyfriend where I mentioned my wedding in conversation with someone I didn't know previously. I realized that I would have to clarify that I was not married to the man I was at the party with, which I did, drunkly and awkwardly. Going to a party as a couple was nice. We took advantage of the make-out room and got charged up for going back to his apartment. Knowing that I have eliminated all risks associated with being discovered is freeing.
I still can't mention my boyfriend in casual conversation and know that people know what I mean. Still, I can now live like I have nothing to hide. I've been able to meet with my boyfriend and his family at places near me and not feel concerned about people I know seeing me and having suspicions. It's pretty clear that I have nothing to hide when it's right out on Facebook. Let them worry and wring their hands about whether or not they need to disclose something. In the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, it's soothing to know that some violation of privacy won't make my relationship(s) fall apart.
In the beginning, I relished the moment of sharing my lurid secret life. It's still exciting at times and leads to interesting conversations, but more often it leads to uncomfortable conversations and me feeling like I have to over-explain. I'm also hesitant to turn conversations toward me. I wish people would ask more questions, I guess. In some ways it feels so normal, but having multiple lovers keeps life exciting in obvious ways.
I still haven't figured out how to date girls, but life always needs some challenges, huh?