Friday, January 10, 2014

A Pang of Jealousy, Quickly Reasoned Away

For obvious reasons, I haven't written in a while.  There's not a whole lot to write about.  I'm in two stable long term relationships.  I work at least full time, often picking up extra shifts, and I have a child who is now nearly 9 months old. Things aren't all that exciting.  My husband isn't dating out of choice.  I'm not dating (as in anyone new) out of respect for his wishes and a lack of time.  My husband is a stay at home dad.

My dates with David (the clues are here, I'm tired of the code names) are simple.  I drive out to see him.  We eat.  Sometimes with his wife and sometimes not.  We hang out until his child goes to sleep.  We have sex.  It's easy.  It's comfortable.  It's fun.  Sometimes I miss going out, but due to the limitations of geography, it's difficult for us to go out and have sex.  I prefer to include sex in our dates.  I recently noticed potential plans to go out with someone else on his calendar and felt a small pang of the green eyed monster.  I thought, "Hey!  I'd like to do that! Why not me?"  Then all the obvious reasons struck me along with all of the great things I have in this relationship.

As time has gone on, I can only continue to marvel at the fortune I stumbled upon when I clicked on his profile and he decided to write me.  I'm not trying to inflate his ego when I write that, the two of us together make for a really great secondary relationship.  It might sound boring...  eating, watching stuff, fucking and cuddling...  but it's not.  It is comforting and fun.  So what that I don't get to go out with him right now.  I have a sub-one-year-old child, I don't get to go out, period.  I will again in the future.  What we have is so much more awesome than going out.

While I will occasionally think back on things we did in the past, I know that those things will come around again and in the meantime, I get some things I value more than spending money and drinking in public.  I stand by my statement that I prefer to fuck and cuddle than go out.  I can go out with my girl friends.  I can go out with my coworkers.  I can't get the Fuck and Cuddle treatment anywhere else, not with the Satisfaction Guarantee I have with David.  I get all of that with no conflict...  Sheesh.  The next time my brain tries to make me feel bad about any of this, I'm poking it hard with a sharp stick.  "Behave in there brain!  What's wrong with you!"

No comments:

Post a Comment

Remember that even anonymous bloggers are real people and be kind. Trolls will not be tolerated. If you're going to be judgmental or homophobic, shove off.