An Unexpected Third

It may have been somewhat absurdly timed, as things often are in my world, but the husband and I had an experience last night.  Well, two experiences, really.  I suppose it would be best for me to write about them separately, even though they were really one.  We had sex with a third party.  I had sex with a female-bodied person.  This happened while I am 38 weeks pregnant!  What the hell, Life?  You are one tricky MF.  Way to keep me on my toes!  Perhaps the hormones of impending motherhood are making me extra mushy, but this was a profound experience for me in several ways and I don't know that I have completely processed it yet.  I'm not going to write out a play by play.  Trust me, it was hot, but I want to write about the feels. 

First, there is the experience we had as a couple.  I've blogged before about the challenges we've encountered with opening our marriage and the added stress of the pregnancy.  Last night felt like the bookend to the beginning stages.  I feel like we've achieved a comfort level together that was difficult to imagine not that long ago.  The experience closed the first chapter on our poly life.  We have graduated.     I faced one of my fears in watching him with someone else.  Coming from someone who once demanded a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy with my husband's porn viewing, this is a Big Deal.  (This is not something I'm proud of, but it's true, blaming my Catholic upbringing goes a long way for crap like this.)  It's a good example of how much I've managed to grow as a person in the last year.  My confidence and security has increased exponentially.  I watched him flirt and wrestle and eventually kiss another person and I never felt the slightest twinge of jealousy or anything icky.  I was turned on!  Compersion, I has it.  My emotional homework was done and I was prepared for the test.  I didn't have to think.  The answers were there.  I was proud of the way we communicated in the beginning and throughout the experience.  It demonstrated our comfort level and the skills that we've learned.  I can't say that I didn't have any insecurities.  Having a new sex partner at this late stage of pregnancy did arouse some misgivings about my physical state, but I was reassured in a way that made me comfortable again.  The whole thing felt natural and organic and comfortable and just nice...  I did not expect it to be like that.  I expected a certain amount of discomfort for my first experience.  I was prepared to tread very carefully and take things slowly so that I could handle the negative emotions that were bound to come up.  The negativity never happened.  In the possibility of outcomes that I considered, one where everything went perfectly had never seemed a possibility.  I just wanted to fuck up as little as possible.  This is why I feel like we've graduated.  We aren't noobs anymore.  We can get things right the first time and walk away from a new and potentially delicate experience feeling good.  

The second part of this is my first experience with a female bodied person.  I first recognized my attraction to women in high school.  Aside from a few experiences during truth or dare games while drinking underage, I had not had the opportunity to explore this side of my sexuality outside of my head.  I had gone from one monogamous relationship with a man to another and at some point I started assuming that I wasn't bisexual at all.  I wrote it off as teenage hormones being out of control.  Why not?  I was perfectly satisfied with my male partners.  Opening had the side effect of reminding me of my attraction to women and gave me the opportunity to explore this again.  There were a few awkward and uncomfortable dates at the beginning of my OkC exploration, but again life got in the way and I decided not to pursue the experience at this time.  Then there was pregnancy and I put all new dating on hold.  Again, I was looking at an unspecified date sometime far in the future to fulfill my desire for exploration with a female.  I had accepted this.  

Thanks to last night, I can now go into motherhood having experienced and fully embraced my bisexuality.  I did not feel forced.  I didn't feel like I was just performing for my husband.  I was 100% in my body and in the moment.  I wanted it.  I enjoyed it.  I want it again.  Any self doubts I had about misinterpreting my attractions have evaporated.  I can completely claim bisexuality as a part of my identity, just as I can claim poly.  I don't have to wait and wonder about this any longer.    

I can't complete this post without expressing my gratitude to the person who gave us this gift.  I hope that she will spend more time with us in the future.  She is kind and comfortable and sweet.  She is beautiful and warm.  She gave us a special experience and I will be forever grateful.

Discrimination and Chicken

Chick Fil A has better than average fast food.  They have golden wheat buns and I want to nom it.  There is a new location opening near me very soon.  I think it would be fun if a large number of the free chicken seekers were wearing T-shirts to support marriage equality, had rainbow flags draped over their tents or something of the like.   Something subtle that they can't be aggressive about.  No words.  No signs.  Just a subtle protest of their discriminatory messages.

Because here's the thing about Marriage Equality, if you are against it, you may as well be a racist.  Get out your pointy white hood.  Go ahead.  What?  You think that's an unfair comparison?  It's not.  It's a perfectly valid comparison and here's why.

Racism and homophobia are same level of hate. 

*Racists believe that one race is superior to another.  
*Christian conservatives believe that being straight is moral and righteous and being gay is a sin. 
Straight people are superior to gay people and gay people should strive to be as good as straight people.  Does this really sound okay to you when I read it back like that?  You can't be serious?  You actually believe that who you fall in love affects your value as a human being?  Are you starting to get my point?  Not yet?  Keep reading.

*No one can control what race they are born as. 
*No one can control who they are physically attracted to.
You can't discriminate based on a physical attribute like the color of someone's skin.  That would be wrong, right?  Being born gay is no different than being born Black or Hispanic or Asian or disabled.  It's not something that anyone has any control over and it's not something you remove rights for.

*Racist people believe that "separate but equal" is acceptable.
*People who are against marriage equality believe the same thing. 
Civil unions are great and I'm glad we have them and all, but they are not an acceptable solution.  Like black and white water fountains, some people must keep gay marriage separate from straight marriage.  If people see us using the same services, they won't understand that one is clearly different from the other and superior.  In other words, "Don't get your gay cooties all over my good traditional marriage with my third wife."  The separate-but-equal compromise isn't even acceptable to some of these bigots.  They don't want the gay cooties on anything that resembles marriage, because then something might go horribly wrong with all straight marriages everywhere.  I don't know what that is, but it might happen!

*It sounds silly now, but racist people used their religion to validate their hate.
*It sounds silly, but Christian conservatives right now use their religion to validate their hate. 
That white hood that I mentioned earlier?  Those people used the Bible and their religion to justify horrible actions that with the hindsight of history are clearly wrong.  Clearly. Wrong.  Got that?  Killing people because they are black and fighting against their struggle to be free and equal is wrong.  Just 50 years after the Civil Rights Movement and we mostly agree on this as a country.  However, for some reason we think it's okay for a religion to encourage and support hate of people who are gay.


The point here, if you haven't figured it out yet, is that if Chick Fil A was making donations to racist organizations, there would be no question of whether or not this is wrong.  We have finally decided as a culture that racism is wrong.  The gray area doesn't exist any more.  It's wrong to judge someone by the color of their skin.  It's wrong to judge them for their sexuality.  It's that cut and dry.  Marriage Equality is necessary for us to move on and grow as a country, just as abolishing racism was 50 years ago.  In the decades to come, I suspect that we will look back on this struggle as we look back at the Civil Rights Movement.  Our children won't believe how silly we were.  People who fought for discrimination will keep it to themselves as it will be something to be ashamed of.

The lure of tasty chicken on wheat buns shouldn't weigh into a decision about discrimination.   It took me a while to take a firm stance on this issue.  I waffled for want of waffle fries, but since drawing this comparison, I can't see it any other way.  The enticement of the new location won't outweigh my morals.  I'm putting away my wallet and supporting marriage equality instead of fried chicken and pickles.

All that said, if I were to wait with the First 100 and get the free year's worth, that would be okay, right?  Free chicken noms for me and no guilt about my money supporting hateful discrimination.  If I waited out the 24 hours wrapped in a rainbow flag, would it send the message I wish to send?  I'm not going to do it.  I have other plans that day, but I wish that someone would.

   
 

Required Updates Ready to Install

Reading over my blog I realize there are some required updates to posts of the past.

First of all, The Doctor:
Well, second date was kinda strange and awkward and I don't think he's capable of living up to his big talk.  He's not aggressive and he's way more feminine than he lets on.  I'm don't think he's quite figured out what he is or wants to be yet.  I also don't feel an attraction there, as much as I want to.  It's not a physical thing.  It's an attitudes thing.  That male-type aggression that I crave in sexual situations just isn't there.  Maybe what I need is a dom.  Anyway, correspondence has sort of tapered off there and I'm going to let sleeping dogs lie, I think.

Secondly, Link: 
Hubby was pretty bummed for a while and refused to talk to her.  He was hurt and rejected and felt misled.  I went to breakfast with Link one morning after work.  (We work with her.)  I got her side of the story and went home to Hubby where I strongly encouraged him to reach out to her and clear the air.  He seemed resistant, but sent out a text the next morning and over the following week they regained their friendship and all is right again.  Link is actively dating and exploring her sexual freedom in a way she never has before.  I'm proud of her and of Hubby for sucking it up and doing what had to be done to repair the weirdness.

Thirdly, CJB:
CJB sort of dissipated after that second date.  I was never quite sure if he lost interest.  We occasionally texted and he claimed to be far too busy with his job and that he did think I was a cool person and wanted to hang out again.  I have my doubts as to the truthfulness of those claims, but that's besides the point.  CJB is no longer in my area of the country, but I don't know that because he told me.  I know that because of someone I met on the camping trip.  T and I talked about OKC dating and what it's like and she described someone she'd been chatting with that was clearly CJB.  I encouraged her to go out with him as we sat around the campfire drinking a terrible prefabbed blue alcoholic beverage that I only bought cause it came in a plastic bottle.  She did.  She liked him.  Then, he took a job on the East Coast and disappeared.  That's the last I heard of CJB.

Other than that, I still need to write about the camping trip when I'm feeling more spry.  I also need to write about the Great Gay Break-Up of 2012, a situation which has left me quite sad indeed. 

My Spontaneous Date with a Trans Guy

The nickname for this person is simple, we'll call him The Doctor.  ;)  The Doctor and I have been messaging back and forth for some time on OKC.  I messaged him originally when I liked what I saw on his profile.  He's cute.  He's female-bodied, but identifies as male.  That is hot.  It's the androgynous, slightly male types of women that turn me on.  The thought of a female bodied trans guy making all the right moves is really appealing.

The Doctor had given me his number in the last Cupid message he sent.  I put it in my phone and sat on it for a week before I took action.  While dealing with a separate situation, I decided that healthy coping would be to dive into this and see what happened.  I sent The Doctor a text.  The Doctor replied with a flattering message that indicated he was happy to hear from me and promptly invited me out at the last minute for a drag show.  I accepted.

The Doctor was standing at the bar when I walked in and looked me up and down before speaking to me.  He was wearing a coat with long tails a white shirt and tie and black Converse sneakers.  He's adorable.  OMG, I get turned on by chics in drag.  And if this person identifies as male and is willing to take that aggressive role with me, well, let's just say I'm very interested in seeing how this plays out.

The show at this venue was the best I've seen thus far.  There were more drag kings than queens, which I appreciate for sure.  They were hot too.  Seriously hot. 

We chatted while the show went on and eventually left to walk up and down the street and talk.  The Doctor really is adorable.  We talk, and I hug him at the end of the night and we make tentative plans to see each other again on Saturday.  I ended up having to cancel those, but we rescheduled for a lunch date that is coming up next weekend.  Should be fun!  I'll let you know how things go.

In One Night, I Shake Dan Savage's Hand and a Unicorn Prances Out of the Mist

My previous post focused on the somber aspect of seeing Dan Savage lecture.   I will now discuss the exciting parts of my evening.  I got in line to get an autograph and speak briefly to Dan.  I hope I didn't sound like too much of a goober.  I didn't vomit anyway, and my friend assured me that as long as I didn't vomit, I would be okay.  He said he'd check out my blog.  No one else is, so I had nothing to lose by hoping that Dan would give it a quick look.  He shook my hand.  If you are reading this, Dan Savage, thank you!

I then had a delicious pizza with the awesome new friend that joined me for this little road trip before we hit to road to travel back home.  During all of this, Hubby let me know that he had been texting and phoning a girl from Cupid who brought up the topic of a threesome.  Upon arriving home, my husband ran outside to meet me.

"I hope you're not going to proposition me for a threesome."  I say.  Once inside, that's almost exactly what occurs.  While I was out, he found a unicorn.  We'll call her Mysti.  This is not something that I am opposed to.  On the contrary, it is something I want to do before I die.  It was not something I was expecting to fall into our lap so quickly.  Seriously?  We put ourselves on OkCupid less than a month ago and in that time, a unicorn slowly pranced out of the mist, propositioned my husband and made it very clear that she's sexually attracted to me.

I started drinking.  I was not prepared for this at all.  Once I am sufficiently inebriated to have this conversation, we call her.  Mysti is cute, she's funny and she's frank.  We talked about our interest in girls and had to tell Hubby to shut up so we could talk a bit.  My immediate impression is that I like her.  We have agreed to meet at a sex-postive coffee shop in Big City on Wednesday.  I'm meeting her at 7 and Hubby will join us later in the evening once he can leave class.

We have a date with a unicorn on Wednesday.

Two months ago, I had never even watched porn with my husband.  On Wednesday we are going to meet with a very eager unicorn.  Dear universe, could you give me one thing to blog about at a time please?  I'm a little sexually overwhelmed at the moment.  Is this really happening?