Most of the time, I don't really believe that I'm pregnant. We tried for so long and I really started to imagine my life without a family. This would have been okay, really. I can picture it. I had walled off the part of me that wanted it so badly, knowing that it may never happen. Now I have to reconnect with that part of myself and start imagining myself as a mother.
I had another ultrasound today. This one changed my due date, moving it forward by about a week. When I laid down on the table for the ultrasound, I half expected there to be nothing there.
"Haha! Got you! You're not really pregnant, it's all in your head." I would climb down off the table and say "Good one, guys, you thought you had be going, but I never really believed it." I wouldn't even cry. To think that there is nothing growing in me right now is more believable than what is really happening.
It's surreal feeling that there is a living thing inside of me, sucking away my life and changing my whole body around to suit it's needs. As soon as the probe hit my belly, I could see the outline of the fetus. It was immediate. BAM! Baby! It was larger than last time and it clearly has arms and legs. It was moving. This this is moving around inside of me and I can't even feel it. Intellectually, I knew that my baby was already moving and kicking, but to see it in front of me on an ultrasound was something else entirely.
Not even two weeks ago it was a peanut-shaped blob with a fluttery heartbeat center. Now it is starting to look human. I keep thinking about this ultrasound like what I saw is in the past, but this thing is inside of me all the time. Right now, as I look at the pictures, it is in there, kicking.
I can't think about this too much or I will cry. I almost started crying going through a box of maternity clothes that a friend loaned me, just because it was so nice of her to do so! I want to call my mother and tell her that I love her. (This is highly uncharacteristic. I am not close to my mother.) I want to listen to Christmas music. I want to talk to my dead Grandma like she can hear me. I want to talk to my baby like it can hear me. I'm losing hold of my firm grasp on reality and logical nature. I do not, however, have an urge to pray so I know I'm not completely losing it.
How I feel right now is much how I felt when my grandma died. I couldn't feel it at first because it was too big. I have to adjust myself to take it in and it has to get smaller, less risky. It's weird that a grievous event and a supremely happy one are so similar. I never thought I'd have these emotions and now I don't know how to feel them. When I think about the future and actually holding our baby, my mind drifts around and can't settle on it. If I do start to form the picture, I am instantly overwhelmed and unable to allow it to focus.
This is what is going to happen. We are going to have this baby and we are going to feel the happy emotions I thought I'd never feel. The thing kicking around inside of me is the proof. I just don't fully believe that it's there.
In other news, Hubby and I settled on a nickname for our unborn wiggly nugget. "Sketch" It's just a Sketch right now, it's not finished. I voted for Space Invader, but he thought that was too long. Peanut is too common. And so, I have a Sketch inside of me. Getting closer and closer to completion. I guess at some point I'll give birth to an oil painting.
Showing posts with label experience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label experience. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
How to Teach a Less Experienced Sex Partner
I've been Googling to seek advice on this topic and have come up empty handed. I've found plenty of information about teen sex and how to be the less experienced sex partner (all written toward women) but I've not been able to find one decent article on how to teach someone with less experience. Perhaps I am not Googling the right set of words, but I don't know where else to look. There's probably something in the Savage Love archives somewhere, but it doesn't appear to be searchable so I'm still at a loss. What to do? I suppose I will attempt to write on article with the advice I expect to see and as I learn how to teach, I will revise this piece as necessary to reflect the knowledge I learn.
The reason I am seeking this advice in the first place is that I need some help with my Hulk situation. The last time I went over to his place for pizza, TV and cuddling, I was really hoping I'd finally get a chance to have sex with him. I wasn't sure as he was dealing with some hang-ups about me not being on birth control. I was happy to hear that he was over this, but he admitted that he is inexperienced with condoms and is nervous about knowing how to use them. This wasn't a problem, as I sucked his dick until he was plenty hard and I put the condom on. Then he lost his erection after about 15 seconds of actual sex. He felt really bad about this and kept attempting to get it back up by making out some more and getting me turned on again, only to fail again. This was extremely frustrating. He offered to pleasure me with his fingers, but nothing was said about oral stimulation. I have work to do. Sigh. I have a lot of work to do. The problem is, I don't really know how to do it. He has the right attitude, he has asked me to teach him. That's a start. I just don't know how to go about doing that as the more submissive sex partner. And he definitely wants me more submissive, when I've been on top of him making out, it makes him uncomfortable and he quickly changes position so he is in control. I normally like this very much, but I'm not sure how to assume a teaching role from that standpoint.
With all of this in mind, and the lack of resources on the subject, here is what I would expect to find if I could find the advice I am seeking.
Be Patient
Don't expect your new less experienced lover to pick up everything in one night. Remember that you were once less experienced too. You didn't always suck cock like you do now. You probably weren't always willing to do all the weird things you do now. You may have to let them know what you expect of them. For example, I expect a lover of mine to give, as well as receive, oral sex. I will make this expectation clear.
Use Available Resources
If your partner is truly willing to learn, don't be afraid to give them a book to lead them in the right direction. This lets them take a proactive stance and learn on their own. Hopefully they'll put forth the effort and be willing to practice their new skills with pride and some degree of confidence. If you suggest a book and they decline or seem offended, then you probably aren't going to get where you hope to go and may want to consider giving up or accepting sloppy inexperienced sex for the length of the relationship. Don't use porn as a resource.
Point Out the Things You Enjoy Before Giving Advice on How to Do Things Better
Use good communication techniques when you are giving advice. Say things like "I like it when you do x, but I might enjoy it more if you did it this way." Make sure to tell them when they are doing things right. Words are great, but using moans and body language can be just as effective. Even so, using words will reinforce that you aren't faking it.
Communicate
This was partially covered above, but bears repeating here. Don't be afraid to speak about anything, just be nice about it. Be encouraging, but don't suffer through something that hurts or has no feeling because you are afraid to speak up. If their ego is so fragile it can't handle talking about the sex you are having, you shouldn't be having sex with that person.
The reason I am seeking this advice in the first place is that I need some help with my Hulk situation. The last time I went over to his place for pizza, TV and cuddling, I was really hoping I'd finally get a chance to have sex with him. I wasn't sure as he was dealing with some hang-ups about me not being on birth control. I was happy to hear that he was over this, but he admitted that he is inexperienced with condoms and is nervous about knowing how to use them. This wasn't a problem, as I sucked his dick until he was plenty hard and I put the condom on. Then he lost his erection after about 15 seconds of actual sex. He felt really bad about this and kept attempting to get it back up by making out some more and getting me turned on again, only to fail again. This was extremely frustrating. He offered to pleasure me with his fingers, but nothing was said about oral stimulation. I have work to do. Sigh. I have a lot of work to do. The problem is, I don't really know how to do it. He has the right attitude, he has asked me to teach him. That's a start. I just don't know how to go about doing that as the more submissive sex partner. And he definitely wants me more submissive, when I've been on top of him making out, it makes him uncomfortable and he quickly changes position so he is in control. I normally like this very much, but I'm not sure how to assume a teaching role from that standpoint.
With all of this in mind, and the lack of resources on the subject, here is what I would expect to find if I could find the advice I am seeking.
Be Patient
Don't expect your new less experienced lover to pick up everything in one night. Remember that you were once less experienced too. You didn't always suck cock like you do now. You probably weren't always willing to do all the weird things you do now. You may have to let them know what you expect of them. For example, I expect a lover of mine to give, as well as receive, oral sex. I will make this expectation clear.
Use Available Resources
If your partner is truly willing to learn, don't be afraid to give them a book to lead them in the right direction. This lets them take a proactive stance and learn on their own. Hopefully they'll put forth the effort and be willing to practice their new skills with pride and some degree of confidence. If you suggest a book and they decline or seem offended, then you probably aren't going to get where you hope to go and may want to consider giving up or accepting sloppy inexperienced sex for the length of the relationship. Don't use porn as a resource.
Point Out the Things You Enjoy Before Giving Advice on How to Do Things Better
Use good communication techniques when you are giving advice. Say things like "I like it when you do x, but I might enjoy it more if you did it this way." Make sure to tell them when they are doing things right. Words are great, but using moans and body language can be just as effective. Even so, using words will reinforce that you aren't faking it.
Communicate
This was partially covered above, but bears repeating here. Don't be afraid to speak about anything, just be nice about it. Be encouraging, but don't suffer through something that hurts or has no feeling because you are afraid to speak up. If their ego is so fragile it can't handle talking about the sex you are having, you shouldn't be having sex with that person.
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